My Everything
by XxxRememberxxMyxxLovexxX
Summary: My rage shocked me but I couldn't stop the anger showing in my voice "We walk past each other in the hall way every day. You honestly have no idea who I am?" Jared/Kim. *Lemons in future chapters.*
1. The best its going to get

My Everything

_You're a falling star, You're the get away car.  
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.  
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.  
And you're the perfect thing to say._

_And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute._  
_Ah, When you smile at me you know exactly what you do._  
_Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true._  
_Cause you can see it when I look at you._  
_Michael Buble – Everything_

Chapter One

As good as it gets

Groaning I leaned over and pressed my snooze button for the millionth time, I knew I was dangourasly close to being late for school but my bed was so warn compared to the normal rainy day waiting for me. I thought of best friend Kevin picking me up this morning and I sighed, if I made him late one more time this month he would kill me. I grabbed my glasses off the bed side table and checked the time. Yep, I really needed to get up.

Trying to gather my strength I dragged myself out of bed and started to get ready for the day. As soon as my feet hit the floor I shivered and ran over to my draws to grab a fresh pair of socks. My house was one of the oldest in La Push and while I loved its old and classic look I hated the wooden floors. Every morning my poor feet had to freeze to death, it was getting to the point where I craved carpet. Normal sixteen year old should not crave something as simple as carpet.

I quickly washed my face and tried to make myself have more energy. This time last month my mornings had been very different; I would have been out of bed before my first alarm and out side waiting for Kevin to arrive. School used to be something that I look forward to.

But knowing _he _probally wasn't going to be there was making it hard for me to be motivated about anything, let alone school.

Without putting too much thought into it I pulled on an old pair of jeans and a blue jumper that was two sizes too big for me. While I knew it wasn't the most flattering look for me I held some hope that it would take attention away from my depressing B sized chest.

"Kim! Your going to be late! Move it!"

I took one last look in the mirror and frowned at the boring girl looking back at me. My brown hair was thin compared to most peoples and it reached just below my shoulders after weeks of attempting to let it grow. My glasses made my dark eyes look too big for my small head and my skin was the same dark shade as my dads. And then ofcourse there was the glasses. Even at my age my mum flat out refused to let me pick out my own pair. The end result was having to walk around with these chuncky things on my face. I shrugged it off like I did every morning, this was as good as it was going to get.

"Kim!"

"Coming mum!"

I picked up my bag from the end of my bed and made my way down the stairs and to the kitchen, knowing there was no time for breakfast I picked up an apple from the fruit bowl and placed it in my pocket before kissing my mum goodbye.

"I'll see you later"

"Will you be coming straight home today?"

I nodded, normally I would end up going round Kevins for a few hours before heading home.

"Yeah, Kevin's grandparents are coming round for dinner tonight"

My mum frowned in sympathy; she knew how much Kevin hated it when his grandparents came round. Kevin and I have been best friends for as long as I can remember. We had been raised together gone to school together and been there for all of each others mile stones in our lives. To put it simply we were as close as two friends could be. So when he had come out as gay two years ago I wasn't shocked. Sadly for some members of his family, mainly his grandparents, it was a different story. Instead of loving him for the person he was it was more like they were waiting for him to grow out of his "phase".

"Wish him luck for me!"

"Will do"

I had almost reached the door when the screaming started.

"Kim! Kim! Kim!"

Realising my mistake I turned back to the breakfast table to see my little sister Amy sitting in her high chair, a pout on her face and her anger at being so easily forgotten clearly showing. Trying not to laugh at how cute she looked I gave her a quick hug and she held up her toy dog Hugo, insisting I do the same to him.

"I'll see you later Bug"

She smiled at the use of my pet name for her and I knew I was forgiven. I opened the front door to be greeted by the normal sound of "Pink" blaring from Kevins car. Regardless of the fact that I lived in one of the quietest roads of La Push he always insisted on having his music on loud in the mornings. Apparently it helps inpiring him for the day.

As soon as he had been old enough Kevin had gone right out and passed his driving test. As much as I had begged my parents to do the same they still insisted on waiting in till I was older before letting me go near a car of my own. They claimed it was because we didn't have the money at the moment but I knew there was more to it then that. After what happened to my brother George I don't think my parents would ever want their children behind the wheel of a car. I took a deep breath and smiled before pushing those thoughts to the back of my mind. I looked at Kevins small blue car and felt my spirits lift, it wasn't the best one in the school parking lot but I loved it none the less, I had hours of happy memories in that car.

Chucking my bag into the back I took my place in the passenger seat and turned down the music. Rather then protest like he normally would he flashed me a cheeky smile.

"Morning"

"Morning" I muttered before slumping back in my seat and closing my eyes. Dear god, its too early. He chuckled.

"Well, someone woke up full of energy this morning"

I smiled as he started up the car and we made our way to school. I rubbed my hands together and placed them against the old heater to feel the smallest gust of warm air. I huffed with irritation and stuffed my hands in my pockets, that boy really needed to fix the heating in this thing. Sensing I was being watched I turned to see Kevin looking at me everything few seconds with a frown in his face.

"Yes?"

"You need to get yourself sorted women. It's only been three weeks and you look about ready to give up"

I sighed and sat up; we had already had this talk.

"I'll have you know my mood had nothing to do with him" Lie. "I was up half the night doing that history report for Mr. Millor"

He frowned.

"Your brilliant at History Kim, why did it take you half the night?"

I shrugged and looked out of the window, I don't think telling him how bad my attention span had been in that class for the last three weeks would help my case. Not to mention the fact that its hard to write a report on what you have been learning for the past month when you've spent your time staring at the class room door rather then writing some much needed notes.

He scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"Like hell your mood has nothing to do with him, ever since he went sick its been the same thing with you everyday. You wake up late, mope around all day like some broken puppy then go home and do the same thing the next day. Its not healthy"

I bit my lip and tried to push down the rush of guilt I felt, as much as I hated it I knew he was right. I have been a crappy friend for the last few weeks. We pulled into the school parking lot and I stopped him before he could get out.

"Kevin wait" He turned to me and I took a deep breath, I hated apologising, mostly because it meant I had done something wrong. "I'm sorry. Your right, I have been stuck in my own little world lately. I promise I'll suck it up and stop being such a cry baby"

He watched me give him puppy dog eyes for a moment before he laughed.

"We both know that is not going to happen. Your still going to go into your history lesson and spend all of it looking at the door, just waiting to see if today will be the day that he comes back" He shrugged as he pulled a mirror out of his bag and checked how he looked "I can't blame you really, if I didn't get my dose of eyes candy then I would go nuts too" He put the mirror away and smirked as Paul and Jacob walked passed "Luckily for me I like my candy in all flavours"

I laughed.

"You are such a pervert"

"Better a pervert than a stalker" He joked as he climbed out of the car. Even though I knew he was joking the comment still stung a bit, not because I was insulted but because he was right.

* * *

I guess I should explain. I have been in love with the same boy since I was five years old. I may have been young but as soon as he asked me to pass him the green pencil I was in love. Sadly even at that age I had been awkward around most people. To this day if I close my eyes I can still remember the sound of me attempting to stutter out a response to this thank you. It wasn't in till I had squeaked out a "thank you" that I realised he had already turned away. His name is Jared; he has dark rich hair and light brown eyes that could make my knees shake with a single glance. Not that he glanced at me often. There was something about him that made me want to be close to him. The only problem with me being in love with him is that despite the fact we have attended the same school for the past eleven years he still had no idea who I am.

We have History class with each other. In fact we even share a desk. Maybe that's why it hurts so much that he had no idea I'm alive.

Jared and I are complete opposites of one another, while I was a ghost in my own school everyone loved Jared, it seemed I wasn't the only one who saw how great he was. Along with his group of friends they were the most popular kids in school. They were the classic stereotype of most schools, all the boys wanted to be them and all of the girls wanted to date them. Sadly all of the girls falling at Jareds feet only served to make me more invisible.

Normally I would be happy to just sit back in my seat and just be near him for part of my day but things were different now. Jared had gone off sick and from what I had heard not even his friends knew what was wrong with him. What had been twenty one days to everyone else had started to feel like a life time to me. Where the hell was he?

Stopping off at my locker to grab my books I would need for the morning I spotted Jacob and Paul standing a few lockers down with their normal adoring crowd around them. I watched as Kirsty practically chucked herself at Jacob and fluttered her eyes at him. Along with her two best friends Rachel and Becky Kirsty was personally responsible for every tear I had shed in my time at this school. For some reason her life mission seemed to be making my life hell. Resisting the urge to roll my eyes I stuffed my books into my bag and made my way to class. Jacob and Paul, along with Seth, Quil and Embry were Jareds best friends. While I had never talked to them before I could probably tell you more about them then they could tell you themselves. Hence the reason why I couldn't deny Kevin calling me a stalker...I kind of was.

Ducking my head to avoid scowls and smirks people normally chucked my way I made my way to History, my now Jared free lesson.

By the time I had sat down at my desk and unpacked my books for the class I had made a decision: Kevin was right. I was being stupid about this whole thing. Just because Jarded wasn't here didn't mean that I should ignore everything around me. It was true that I wasn't popular but neither was Kevin and we both liked it that way, there was no need for me to get worked up just because there was one less person here to ignore me. I smiled to myself as I opened my book, today marked a new start.

No more wining about Jared, no more staring at him when he wasn't looking, no more day dreaming about him or wondering where he was. For god sake I spent hours thinking about a boy who didn't know I was alive. What did that say about what I thought of myself? Clearly I had a problem.

It's fine, I calmly reminded myself, one more year of this and then I would be far away from here at college. One more year and then I'll finally have the room I need to move on and get on with my life. No more Jared.

I hated how much the thought of being away from him hurt me.

I pushed the thought away and started to take notes for the first time in three weeks. The lesson was already half way over when the door suddenly opened. It figures that the first day I stopped looking at the door would be the day that he walked through it. As soon as I saw him I gasped, thank god everyone else was doing the same so no one noticed.

Jared had changed.

Rather than looking like the young boy I had last seen he looked...older. If I hadn't known better I would have thought he was in his early twentys. His shoulders were broader then I remembered and his arms looked huge under his snugly fit shirt. His head almost reached the top of the door and I knew he would easily tower over me. Realising that I was staring at him I quickly looked down at my work and tried to seem busy. Feeling my cheeks heat up I groaned to myself, could I not see him at least once without blushing?

"Nice of you to join us again Jared" Mr. Millor said in a bored voice "If you would kindly take your seat and start your work, we're currently making our way through pages twenty to twenty four in our text books"

"No problem Mr. M"

A moment passed before I heard the seat beside me scrap along the floor before he sat down. Trying to focus on my work I attempted to ignore him while he searched around in his bag, his work book and text book were already on the desk in front of him. I heard him curse under his breath before the unthinkable happened. Dropping his bag on the floor he turned around and looked at me.

"Can I borrow a pen?"

Just like that. He hasn't spoken to me in eleven years and once again the only thing he asks me if he can borrow a pen. Maybe in eleven years he would come find me and ask me again. Story of my life. Trying to calm down my breathing I nodded without looking at him. Say something Kim! Hating myself for being a mute freak I opened my pencil case and grabbed a pen at random. Gathering up what little courage I had I tried to smile as I turned to him.

"Here" YES!

In that moment my whole world changed. Over the years I have seen multiple looks on Jared's face: joy, anger, annoyance. But I had never seen this one before. His mouth hung open slightly as he looked at me and my blush deepened as his eyes flickered across my face like they were trying to see everything. What was he looking at? Suddenly wondering if I had something on my face I handed him the pen and looked back down at my work. Hearing his chair move I risked a peak at him to see that he had moved closer to me. I jumped back in my chair in shock, his face was inches from mine.

Seeing my reaction he frowned and moved back a little.

"Sorry" He quickly said "I didn't mean to scare you. Are you okay?"

Not knowing what to do I gave a slight nod and tried to smile. This could not b happening. We have been going to the same school for years and he picks today of all days to start talking to me?

"I'm Jared"

Without thinking I said the first thing I could think of.

"I know"

His smile widened and I couldn't stop myself from smiling back, there was something about his expression that made him look almost excited. And then he kind of ruined the moment for me.

"What's your name?"

Ouch. That hurt.

"I'm K-Kim"

"Kim" He said my name slowly and then sighed with a larger smile on his face. I shivered as I looked at him smiling at me. He said my name. And he was smiling at me. Me. Oh god.

"Your new here right?"

No matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop myself from frowning, this was worse then him not knowing my name. My worst thoughts had been right, eleven years and he hasn't even known that I existed. I sat next to him three times every week and he had never seen me. I had thought at the very least he knew that there was a quiet and odd girl that sat next to him in History.

"No" I finally managed to choke out "I'm...I'm not new"

He looked confused.

"Really?" He asked "How long have you been going here?"

I cringed in embarrassment and my mind raced as I tried to decide I should lie or not. _Not long, just a few weeks. Thats the reason that you've never noticed me. Not because no one ever notices me._ Knowing I would most likely get caught in my lie I shrugged and tried not to look too upset.

"Jared we've been going to the same school for the last eleven years" I thought about it and my frown deepened "In fact now that I think about it you and I have taken more than a couple of classes with each other. And then there is the fact that I have been sitting next to you for months now." My rage shocked me but I couldn't stop the anger showing in my voice "We walk past each other in the hall way_ every day_. You_ honestly_ have no idea who I am?"

He had a blank look on his face before it turned to a mixture of embarrassment and shame.

"No" He muttered with a pained look on his face.

"Oh...right"

With a nod I turned back to my work and tried not to scream. Jared had just talked to me. And I had yelled at him. For not noticing me. _Dear god what have I done?_

* * *

"It couldn't have been that bad"

I fell back onto my bed and cuddled into my pillow as I held the cordless phone to my ear. It had taken weeks of giggling with Kevin on the phone in the kitchen before my parents had snapped and agreed to fit my room with my own personal phone line. It was times like this that I was extra thankful for that decision.

"You weren't there" I mumbled into the phone "Kevin he finally talked to me and I had a go at him. I practically spent two minutes ripping into him about not knowing who I am. Who in their right minds does that?"

"Honestly?"

I nodded, even though he couldn't see me he knew my answer.

"No one" He chuckled.

I groaned but a second later I was laughing with him, in times like this I knew I could rely on Kevin to make me feel better. It was true I still wasn't looking forward to facing Jared at school tomorrow but at least I could laugh about it now.

"So any way" I said when my laughter had finally died down "How did dinner go?"

"It sucked" He said in a bored voice "They came over and did the usual. Talked to me about school, asked if I had a girlfriend yet. And then they spent the rest of dinner and desert asking me why I didn't have a girlfriend. So you know, nothing new there"

I rolled my eyes and scoffed in disgust, while I never said anything bad about them Kevin knew how I felt about his grandparents. In turn I felt mad at his parents as well, how could they let someone come into their house and insult their son like that?

"They should say something"

He sighed.

"Its my mum's parents Kim, you know they wouldn't dare" He said in a tired voice.

"You are their son!"

"And they are my Mum's parents. You know they love me"

"I know" I admitted "But they don't love you the _right_ way"

He laughed and I could practically see his smile.

"They don't love me like you love me right?"

"Exactly" I laughed "You wait. One day you will find a guy that loves you almost as much as I do"

"Almost?"

"No one could ever love you as much as I do idiot"

"Yes" He replied in a voice dripping with sarcasm "I can feel your love"

I let out a giggle as someone knocked softly on my door.

"Hang on a sec" I held the phone away from my ear "Come in"

"It's ten Kim" My mum said as she poked her head around the door "You know the rules. Lights out"

I nodded.

"I know Mum, I'm just finishing up"

She nodded and blew me a quick kiss before closing the door. I put the phone back to my ear.

"Lights out?" Kevin asked before I could start taking.

"You got it. See you in the morning?"

"See you then. And for the love of god women be ready!"

"Yeah, yeah. Night"

"Night"

It wasn't in till I put the phone down that I remembered my reason for calling Kevin in the first place. Jared. Cute, gorgeous dark skinned god Jared. That I yelled at and ruined any chance of speaking too again. I turned off my bed side lamp and snuggled into my bed. It figures the day I grow myself a back bone would be the day I least wanted one.

**So love it? Hate it? Let me know! I've already got a few chapters written up so it shouldn't be too long in till my next update. I'm enjoying writing this story but please let me know if you think its worth finishing!**

**I'm also looking for a beta if someone thinks they might be interested?**

**~XxxRememberxxMyxxLovexxX**


	2. Point of view

My Everything

_And I know that we can be so amazin__  
__And baby your love is gonna change me__  
__And now I can see every possibility__Somehow I know that it'll all turn out__  
__You'll make me work so we can work to work it out__  
__And promise you kid I'll give so much more than I get__  
__I just haven't met you yet_

_-Michael Buble – Haven't met you yet._

Thank you so much to everyone that reviewed! I can't begin to tell you how happy I am ^-^ I wanted this chapter to be longer but when I looked back at it I thought that it dragged out a little bit too much. Please let me know what you think.

Chapter Two

Point of view

_**Previously on My Everything**_

_**It wasn't in till I put the phone down that I remembered my reason for calling Kevin in the first place. Jared. Cute, gorgeous dark skinned god Jared. That I yelled at and ruined any chance of speaking to again. I turned off my bed side lamp and snuggled into my bed. It figures the day I grow myself a back bone would be the day I least wanted one.**_

I slammed my locker shut and leaned my head against it, I honestly have no idea how I've managed to get through the day. It turns out the only thing harder then crushing on someone who never noticed you was avoiding them when they suddenly realised you existed. So far I had almost ran into Jared three times- and it was only lunch. I thought about how a month ago I would have given anything to see him so many times in one day, now all I wanted was the floor to eat me alive every time I caught sight of him.

"You can't honestly think you can keep this up"

I jumped at the sound of his voice and ended up banging my head against my own locker. Great. Like I didn't already have a headache. I groaned and rubbed my head as I tried to ignore the sound of people sniggering about me. In a way their laugher was almost comforting, at least some things never changed. I turned to the source of my pain and scowled.

"I hate you"

Kevin laughed and followed me down the hallway as I attempted to storm away from him, considering his legs were almost twice the length of mine I knew it wouldn't work. Still I guess it was more the principle of the matter.

"No you don't" He said as he put his arm around my shoulder "You love me, remember?"

I snorted but couldn't stop myself from smiling; as much as he annoyed me at times Kevin always knew how to cheer me up. I snuggled into him as we walked and put my arm around him. I knew most of our class mates who didn't know about Kevin being gay got the wrong idea from our relationship but I had stopped paying attention to the rumours years ago. While I had entertained the idea of Kevin and I when I was younger those thoughts were long gone, not only because we had been through too much together, but mostly because I thought of him as a big brother.

George's face flashed in my mind and I pushed it to the back of my mind – no. Not here.

As soon as I snapped out of my thoughts I suddenly realised what direction we were heading. I halted in my steps but Kevin kept his arm around me and tried to pull me along.

"I'm not going in there"

Kevin rolled his eyes.

"It's only the lunch room Kim, you've done worse"

I shrugged off his arm and held my ground.

"No"

"For the love of god women. In all the years I've known you you have never let anything keep you from there. No matter how much people yelled at you or talked behind your back you always went in there with your head held high. You never let them win! What's so different about this time?"

I fiddled with the handle of my bag and avoiding looking at him, I knew he was right but that still didn't make this easier.

"Surely that should tell you how strongly I feel about this Kevin. I _really_ don't want to go in there"

Kevin looked down at me for a minute before he took a deep breath. Taking a step closer to me he held my hands and pulled me closer to him, I looked at him in confusion as he leaned closer.

"Suck it up women"

He chuckled as I scowled at him with irritation and push him backwards. I held his gaze before finally linking my arm through his and I pulled him forward, towards the lunch hall.

"Fine" I snapped "But if something goes wrong then I hope you remember this moment, you annoying twit"

"Okay" he agreed "As long as you remember this moment when you finally get you're happily ever after"

Yeah, because that is the direction my life is currently heading.

* * *

Ten minutes later we were finally sitting in our normal seats, while Kevin had been smart enough to pack his own lunch this morning I was stuck with a spoon full of grey gloop with a side order of veg. Once again I had been running late this morning with only moments to spare. I thought about the lunch my mum had packed me sitting on the side at home. I really needed to start being more organised.

I heard Kevin take a sudden breath and I looked up to see him looking at something over my shoulder, I frowned as I noticed the shock and slight excitement on his face. I moved to see what had happened when Kevin's hand shot out and gripped my arm.

"Don't turn around"

As soon as the words left his lips my urge to look around doubled, what the hell was happening?

"What?" I asked. He carried on looking behind me and I quickly grew nervous and irritated "What?" I repeated.

"He's looking at you"

"Who?"

"Jared"

Kevin's grip on my arm tightened as I started to look over my shoulder. Over the years countless amounts of things have happened to me in this room, I've had people chuck food at me; they've whispered and pointed at me whenever something especially humiliating had happened to me. And yet I can honestly say that this moment was worse than all of them put together. Shouting and pointing I can deal with. This was different.

"He can't be. He must be looking at someone else"

Kevin finally tore his attention away from Jared and looked at me.

"Kim there is no one behind us. I'm telling you he is seriously staring at you right now"

Remembering yesterday I shrugged and looked back at my food.

"Let him"

"Let him?" Kevin asked. Without looking up I knew he was shocked at my reaction. It was easy to see why. I had spent years waiting for Jared to even look my way and now here he was, giving me his full attention and all I wanted was for him to stop. I was shocked at myself. My feelings for Jared hadn't changed but I was starting to think that my view point of myself had. It was like I could see myself clearly for the first time.

The sad part was I really didn't like what I saw.

Any self respecting girl would of given up on him years ago and yet here I was, eleven years later, still pining after the same boy I always had. All it took was him admitting he had never seen me in his life for me to wake up and realise that maybe Jared and I weren't right for one another.

Didn't I want someone who could look at me every day and actually _see_ me?

"That's right" I calmly replied as I started to eat my lunch. "Let him. If he wants to look then he can knock himself out. It's not going to change anything. I told you yesterday that I was giving up on him and I meant it"

"Wait, what?" Kevin said as he leaned in closer. "You were being serious?"

I shrugged and pushed my "meat" to one side. There was no way in hell I was touching that.

"Honestly at the time...no. But yesterday was a wakeup call. Your right Kevin, you have always been right about this. I've been running around in some kind of dream land, stupidly convincing myself that one day he would notice me"

"Kim" Kevin said in an amazed voice "He _has_ noticed you"

"Yeah, well" I quietly replied "maybe he noticed too late"

* * *

"Kim, wait up"

Hugging my books closer to myself I quickened my pace and blocked out the voice calling out to me. I could hear people yelling as he pushed his way down the hallway to catch up with me. I kept my gaze on the school doors and pushed myself to move faster, just a few more steps and I would be in the car park.

"Hey Kim"

I stumbled to a halt just in time to stop myself from walking into Paul but my books weren't so lucky, I crouched down and desperately tried to gather them up. Bloody hell, the one day I chose not to stuff them in my bag like any normal person.

"Hey Paul" I quickly replied as I straightened myself, I had only spoken to Paul a handful of times and while he had never been rude to me I wouldn't of said we were friends. "I'm really sorry but I'm in a hurry"

"Wait, its important" he insisted as I started to walk away, I held back a groan and looked back at him, there was no way I was getting away from Jared now. Almost like he knew I was thinking about him he appeared at my side, a large smile on his face as he looked down at me. Dear god he is tall.

"Hey Kim"

"Hey" I replied without looking at him "Sorry Jared but Paul needs to talk to me"

"No, don't worry about it" Paul insisted with a wink directed at me "Now that I think about I can't even remember what I needed you for"

I scowled at him as he gave a small wave and walked away, his laugher echoing around the hall. Yep, we really aren't friends.

Taking a deep breath I turned to Jared.

"Listen I really have to go" I lied "I'm meant to be babysitting my sister when I get home"

"You have a sister?"

I nodded.

"What's her name?"

"Amy" I quickly replied, I just wanted to leave "Listen was there something you needed?"

"Oh yeah. Of course. Sorry. I was just wondering...I've missed a lot of school these past few weeks and I have loads of work to catch up on. Is there any chance I could borrow your history notes? I'm a bit behind" He explained with his normal carefree smile. I had to stop my knees from giving way; even now I was struggling not to throw myself at him.

"No, sorry"

His smiled was gone and he looked like I had just slapped him. Wow. He really wasn't use to girls saying no to him.

"Oh...right"

"It's not that I don't want to" I felt the need to explain "I don't have notes for the last three weeks as well. Sorry"

I tried to leave again but he called out to me.

"Well maybe we could catch up together then-"

I stopped in my tracks and bit my tongue to stop myself from screaming. Why was this happening to me? I like to think I'm a calm person but I'll admit it; I snapped.

"What is this?" I practically growled as I spun round to look at him. My expression must have been giving away more than I wanted it to as he quickly took a step back.

"E-excuse me?"

I allowed myself a small moment of pleasure as I listened to him; for once I wasn't the one stuttering over my words.

"You heard me" I fumed "What is this? Is this some kind of bet? Is that what this is? Or did you just get bored and thought you'd have a go at messing with poor little Kim?"

"What? God, Kim. No. I swear-"

"You swear?" I laughed "And what is that meant to mean to me exactly? Jared I don't even _know_ you. Come to think of it you don't even know me and yet for some reason here you are; chasing me down hallways and staring at me at lunch. Last week you didn't even know who the hell I was. So, once again I ask you: what is this?"

There was no trace of his normal amusement as he looked at me, his eyes boring into mine. He looked so upset and I had to remind myself not to feel sorry for him. For once in my life I was going to make something about me. After all the nights I had stayed up thinking about him and for all the times he never looked twice at me I deserved this.

"I want to get to know you Kim. Please I-"

I scoffed and kept my face emotionless.

"You want to get to know me? I'm sorry Jared, really"

I took a deep breath and reminded myself to remain firm in my choice. It didn't matter that he decided to notice me now, even if he was being truthful I couldn't let my anger go. I knew that if I let myself calm down I would fall into my old pattern of practically worshipping the ground he walked on. Knowing my luck he would forget who I was the second I gave him a second look, after all that's what I had seen him do with countless amounts of girls before me.

"But I_ really_ don't want to know you"

He staggered back and his face twisted like he was in pain. I wanted more than anything to tell him I didn't mean it; of course I wanted to know him. I loved him. I loved him more then I had ever loved anyone else, more then I even could love anyone else.

That's the problem.

Feeling my resolve breaking I gave him a quick nod goodbye and walked away. This time he didn't call out to me. As soon the doors closed behind me I took off in a run to Kevin's car while ducking my head, hoping that people wouldn't see the tears running down my face.

* * *

Two weeks quickly passed in a haze of school work. Along with my normal homework load I had asked Mr. Millor for some extra credit work to try and make up my grades. Kevin had moaned at me for my lack of free time but I was weirdly thankful for the distraction it offered. Jared and I hadn't spoken since the day after he came back to school. That's not to say he didn't try. The first week he spent every History lesson we had trying to talk to me, when it carried on into the second week I asked if I could move seats. Seeing a chance to stop Jared interrupting his lessons with his talking he quickly agreed. I picked a spare seat at the back so I wouldn't have to feel Jared's eyes on me.

Sadly the same couldn't be said for lunch. Every day he sat there watching me while his friends laughed and joked around him. I had tried eating my lunch in the library a few times but eventually the librarian caught me eating and gave me a talk on being respectful before kicked me out. Because of the constant rain I wasn't able to eat out side so the lunch room was the only place I could go.

Kevin had offered to "sort" Jared out more than once but I kept on turning his offer down. I had told him I wanted to handle this on my own but the truth was I didn't want Kevin getting hurt, compared to Jared Kevin looked small. Even with all of this going on around me I still found the time to over think everything. Regardless of spending my days doing one thing after the other as soon as my head hit the pillow my mind would go into over drive, constantly running over everything that had happened in the last few weeks. How had I gone from being hopeless in love to hopelessly lost?

**A/N: I can not believe the feedback I have had for this story, thank you to everyone that had been reviewing, I love you guys! I apologise for any spelling or grammar problems there might be but I'm dyslexic so I miss things some times. I promise that I go over it at least three times before I put it up here lol.**

** -XxxRememberxxMyxxLovexxX**


	3. A Jared free weekend

My Everything

_I want to know your fear, from your feet to the back of your ears__  
__When they raise the landing gear will your heart stay here?__  
__If you could forgive me for being so brash, well you...__  
__you could hit me or whip me, I'd savor each lash._

_You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead.__  
__Strength in my bones put the words in my head.__  
__When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.__  
__'Cause that's what you do. _

_Say Anything-I want to know your plans_

I want to thank everyone for all of your reviews, they mean so much to me! Just a few quick things you should know about this story. Claire is almost four years old, like Kim's sister Amy. By this point all of the wolves have changed, it's sooner then in the book but I promise I had my reasons. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters but Kevin.

Chapter Three

A Jared free weekend

_**Previously on My Everything**_

_**Even with all of this going on around me I still found the time to over think everything. Regardless of spending my days doing one thing after the other as soon as my head hit the pillow my mind would go into over drive, constantly running over everything that had happened in the last few weeks. How had I gone from being hopeless in love to hopelessly lost?**_

I rolled over and switched off my alarm before quickly checking the time, my eyes widened and I jumped out of bed and started to look for something to wear. Its quarter to nine and I was running seriously late. I splashed some water on my face and brushed my teeth before chucking on the first thing I found in my wardrobe. I crammed my feet into a pair of converses and grabbed my bag before running down the stairs. The smell of bacon reached me as soon as I entered the hallway and I walked into the kitchen, I stopped in the doorway and almost dropped my bag at the site of my dad standing over the stove, my mum's pink apron on as he cooked breakfast. I frowned. My dad was never home at this time; normally he left before any of us were awake and didn't come home till late.

"Dad?"

He turned to look at me and did a double take before laughing.

"Kim, what are you wearing?"

It took me a moment to understand what he was saying before I looked down and flushed in embarrassment, maybe I should start paying more attention in the mornings. I had unknowingly put on the jumper my late Nan had gotten me two Christmas's ago. It was dark green and had a picture of a reindeer on it. If that wasn't enough to put anyone off it there was also a large ball of fluff attached to it that was meant to represent its nose. If it had been given to me by anyone other than my Nan it would have been in the bin a long time ago.

"What are you doing home?" I asked trying to sidetrack him from my choice of clothes.

"Its Saturday Kim, I never work on Saturdays" He replied while shooting my mum an amused look.

I dropped my bag on the floor and my whole body seemed to relax. The last week came rushing back to me and I almost laughed at how disoriented I seemed lately. My days had passed in such a haze I wasn't even aware what day of the week it was. I rubbed my eyes and leaned on the door way, what in god name was wrong with me? It was like my body was going through the motions of life while my mind was in a totally different place.

"_Your heart too" _A voice in my head muttered to me. I pushed the voice down and took a seat at the kitchen table; if I was up I may as well join my family for a rare family meal. My mum stayed at home to look after Amy but my dad was working most of the time. He liked to say he never worked weekends but we all knew that wasn't true. Monday to Friday he spent working away from home, Saturday and Sunday was spent working in his office upstairs. The result was my dad missing most of my childhood; don't get me wrong, I love my dad. But it was safe to say that he knew nothing about me. He kissed the top of my head and I smiled as he served me a portion of eggs and bacon before doing the same for mum and then himself. Amy had a bowl of porridge in front of her but as usual she had more of it on her face than in her stomach. I looked around the table and smiled as I started to eat, my family were by no means perfect but it was times like this that I liked to think they were.

_These_ moments were perfect.

"I'm glad you're up actually" Dad said as he poured himself a drink "Your mother and I were thinking of going out today" he reached over and took hold of my mum's hand "It's been a while since I've spoiled her so I'm taken her shopping"

My Mum smiled at Dad before winking at me.

"He knows what I like"

I smiled awkwardly and pushed down my disappointment, from the sound of it Amy and I weren't going out with them today. There goes my Saturday, once again I would have to stay in and look after Amy. I sighed and thought about calling Kevin, all I needed was to bribe him with a packet of chips and he would be here within ten minutes.

"Can Kevin come over?"

"Of course he can" Mum said before Dad could even open his mouth, my Dad liked Kevin but he had never liked us being alone in the house. My mum on the other hand loved Kevin, every time my Dad went away on a business trip she let us have a sleepover that would go on in till the early morning. He wasn't allowed to sleep in my room but it was something compared to my Dad's rules of him not being allowed in my room unless the door was wide open.

"Not this morning Kim" My Dad said as he opened his paper, my Mum shot him a look that he ignored "We need you to take Amy to her play date"

"Oh, of course" Mum said with a sad smile, she hated it when Dad over ruled her "but he is more than welcome to join us for dinner later"

I nodded. At least I wasn't going to stuck in doors all day. When ever I was left to look after Amy I tried to leave the house as little as possible, she may look like an Angel but as soon as we left the house she turned into the devil. I was still emotionally scared from the last time I took her to the park. Lets just say that the monkey bars will never look the same to me.

"Where's her play date?" I asked as I mentally went through all the her friends, unless it was the two she had down her road I was in for a long walk.

"It's with Claire, Sam and Emily's niece. We ran into them yesterday and they invited her round" Mum replied with a fond smile at Becky "The two girls really hit it off when they ran into each other at the park the other day"

Amy jumped up and down in the her chair at Claire's name and I smiled, it wasn't often she found a play mate she liked this much. I knew without asking which Sam and Emily he meant, Sam was in his early twenty. I risked a peek at my Dad and was relieved to see he was calm, a few months ago my Dad had spent dinner ranting about Sam and how he was nothing but a trouble maker. I shrugged it off and carried on eating breakfast, something must have changed his mind.

* * *

"Amy, stop"

I grabbed the back of her shirt and practically forced her coat on, as soon as I had told her it was time to go she had got over excited and started to stuff as many toys as she could into her Pepper Pig bag. Apparently she wanted to show Claire all of her toys, I had watched her packing them before asking her to go and get her coat. As soon as she left the room I unpacked a few to make room her a spear shirt and socks, I knew from experience she would need them. When her coat was firmly on she slipped on her bag and ran to the front door, I got my coat and wrapped myself up before making her put on her gloves and hat. Today was one of the rare days it wasn't raining but it was still cold outside.

I made her hold my hand as we walked to Sam and Emily's house, to be my relief she behaved herself and simply held my hand as she told me about her new favourite cartoon. I stayed silent as she splashed in every other puddle and I silently thanked god I had packed the spare socks. I had never been to Emily's house before but I knew where it was, that was one of the few perks of living in a small town, you knew where everyone lived.

I knocked on the door and gave Amy a warning look as she tried to shake her hand out of mine, she defiantly wanted to run in a soon as they opened the door. I leaned down to straighten Amy's hair and the door suddenly opened. I lifted my head and plastered a smile on my face that quickly vanished as my head registered the person looking down at me. It took a moment for me to find my voice and to my horror it was shaking.

"Jared?"

His smile widened as I said his name and it was like the wind was knocked out of me as I looked at him. There was something about the way he was looking at me, my knees were shaking and it took everything I had not to fall over.

"Kim!"

Amy tugged on my arm with irritation and I snapped my gaze away from Jared and looked at her. Amy. Play date. I gave myself a little shake and stood back up. I looked around the road and thought about where I was. This had to be the right house.

"Is...is Emily here?"

"Oh yeah, right. Come in"

Jared moved aside and opened the door wider for Amy and I. He closed the door behind us and I tried to fight my building panic, what the hell was he doing here? This was meant to be a Jared free weekend. I helped Amy remove her shoes and carefully avoiding looking at Jared. Rather than head into the kitchen like I had been hoping; he simply stood there smiling at us.

"This must be your sister Amy"

I nodded and fought a smile, in a way it was sweet that he had remembered her name. Jared leaned down and held out his hand to Amy. She looked at him before looking at me. I gave her a quick nod and she placed her hand in his before he lightly kissed her hand.

"Its a pleasure to meet you Amy"

Amy let out a giggle and snuggled into me. She buried her head into my chest.

"Hello" She mumbled.

Jared opened his mouth to say something when someone called from the kitchen.

"Jared, who was at the door?"

"Kim and an equally beautiful young lady Amy"

Amy giggled into me again and I felt my cheeks burn, had he just called me beautiful? Luckily I didn't have too long to think about it as he walked towards the kitchen and Amy and I soon followed. My attention immediately went to the women standing over the oven. She wiped her hands on her apron before turning to us and smiling. I sucked in a breath and forced a smile onto my face. One side of her face was dropping down slightly and there were three large scars down the right side of her face, starting on her forehead and running down all the way to her chin. The other side brighten as she smiled, I knew looking at her that she had to once been breath taking.

"Hi, you must be Kim"

I nodded awkwardly and looked at the table see Sam sitting with a few other people. My eyes ran over their faces and I was taken back when I recognised them. Along with Jared was Jacob, Embry, Paul, Quil and Seth. I also recognized a girl a few years older then me, Leah. I had never spoken to her but she had once been the talk of the town when her relationship with Sam had broken up. Normally people wouldn't gossip about a broken down relationship but the fact he had left her for her cousin, Emily, it had made it front page news in our town (No literally, but you get the point) I hid my shock at seeing her sitting stiffly at their breakfast table. I could tell from the way that she was sitting she didn't want to be there.

"Yeah" I replied as Amy ran over to Claire who was sitting on Quils lap, he put her down on the floor when Amy reached them. "I was wondering when you wanted us to come and collect her?" I quickly replied, I just wanted to get out of here, even though I wasn't looking at him I could feel Jareds eyes watching me. All I could picture was his deep brown eyes as they stared at me at the front door. It was like he was promising me everything with that one look, I thought I saw so many emotions, kindness, need, desperation and - I swallowed - lust.

"I was thinking of keeping her in till about four? That way I can give the girls dinner before she goes home"

I nodded.

"That's fine, just so you know she allergic to nuts. If you have some in the house then please be careful, even touching them causes a reaction. If you think she might have come in contact them please call an ambulance right away. I've packed her a pair of socks and a clean shirt. Normally she's fine but you know...anything could happen..."

I let my sentence hand in the air as I realised I was blabbering. The kitchen was silent and I shuffled awkwardly from foot to foot. This was worse than school. Emily stepped forward and smiled kindly before breaking the silence.

"You know a lot about looking after your sister"

It was a statement but I could hear the question behind it. My cheeks heated and I shrugged.

"Not really" I hesitated. No one had ever questioned the amount of times I looked after Amy and I wasn't sure how to reply. It was true I looked after her most weekends but that's what I was meant to do. I was her sister. I had never given much thought to how often my parents left me with Amy but there was something about someone on the outside questioning it that made it seem wrong. I looked over at Amy playing with Claire and I smiled, our parents loved us but some times it was like they were so trapped in their own lives that they didn't realise how much of our childhoods they were going to miss.

How much of my childhood they _had_ missed.

"I just look after her some weekends when my parents go out" I lied as I looked back at Emily. There was no need to tell her that some weekends really meant _every_ weekend.

Remembering the limited time I had to myself I started to back away from the door, if I left soon then Kevin and I would have enough time to catch a movie before it was time to pick Amy up.

"Will your parents be coming to get her?" Emily asked.

"No, I will. My parents won't be back in till late" I explained, they hadn't mentioned when they would return but I knew what to expect. Despite Mum's invitation for Kevin to join us for dinner they would most likely eat out.

"You could hang out here if you want"

I jumped at the sound of Jareds voice next to my ear. I looked to my right to see him standing inches away from me. Dear god, I didn't even hear him move. My eyes met his and I quickly looked away, getting lost in his eyes in front of my sister was one thing but doing it in front of a room full of people I hardly knew was another.

"It's okay" I quickly replied as I backed closer to the door "I have plans. Kevin and I are going to see a movie"

Technically I wasn't lying, we were going to see a movie, I just hadn't told Kevin that yet.

"Oh" Jared was smiling but something about it looked wrong, like it was forced. I tried to ignore the nagging feeling in the back of my mind as I kissed Amy goodbye and heading to the front door. Emily walked me out but Jared stayed in place, the same weird smile on his face. It wasn't in till the door was closing that I noticed his arms shaking violently, I caught a glimpse of Paul dragging towards the back door before the door closed.

**Poor Jared! Don't worry I promise things will get better for him. Anyone else excited for Breaking Dawn Part 2?!**

**~XxxRememberxxMyxxLovexxX**


	4. Wolf

My Everything

_You were like the crash of thunder_

_Echo'ed through the darkest nights_

_You awaken all my senses,_

_Made me feel alive_

_Even if we try to fight it_

_We know that the sparks will fly_

_Cause in the end where just two_

_People, destined to collide_

_Leona Lewis – Stone hearts and hand grenades_

Thank you to everyone that reviewed. Sorry this chapter is a little but late but I wrote it once, scrapped it then wrote it again. To be fair I think its better this time round. This chapter is dedicated to **NeonElephant**, I felt bad for disappointing you with how short the last chapter was so I made this one extra long for you!

Disclaimed: I don't own Twilight. Only Kevin is mine.

Chapter Three

Wolf

_**Previously on My Everything**_

"_**Oh" Jared was smiling but something about it looked wrong, like it was forced. I tried to ignore the nagging feeling in the back of my mind as I kissed Amy goodbye and heading for to the front door. Emily walked me out but Jared stayed in place, the same weird smile on his face. It wasn't in till the door was closing that I noticed his arms were shaking violently, I caught a glimpse of Paul dragging him towards the back door before the door closed.**_

Despite spending over an hour debating with each other what film we were going to see Kevin I never did end up going to the movies. In the end we spent what was left of the morning doing our favourite pass time: driving aimlessly down the back roads of La Push, listening to music and reminiscing about the many hours we spent playing in the forest when we were younger. If felt nice to close my eyes, forget everything that had happened and simply let myself get lost in the memories of when things were less complicated. Even with Kevin doing his best to distract me I still found my mind wandering to the memory of Jared standing in the kitchen, his arms shaking violently with that horrible eerily calm look on his face. No matter what way I looked at nothing about it made sense. What could have happened that would make him look so...helpless, lost...there were so many emotions in his expression that my head started to hurt just thinking about it.

By the seventh time I had pushed away thoughts of Jared Kevin pulled into a lay by next to the forest and turned off his car without saying a word. The music cut off and the silence pulled me out of my thoughts. I straightened up in my seat and looked around to see if I knew where we were. There were no signs near and besides us the road was deserted. I turned to Kevin and raised my eyebrows before shooting him a questioning look.

"Any reason we're here?"

He frowned and turned in his seat to get a better look at me.

"You don't know where we are?"

I looked around again to see if anything clicked into place but my mind remained blank. Nothing about this road made it any different from all the other back roads that ran along La Push. I shrugged in apology and gave him an awkward smile, for some odd reason it felt like I had let him down.

"No idea. Sorry. What are we doing here then?"

He unplugged his seat belt and slowly climbed out of the car; it wasn't in till he had almost closed his door that he replied.

"I have a surprise for you"

I undid my belt and got out of the car while holding back a groan, if all these years of friendship had taught me one thing it was that Kevin and I had very different ideas of what classified as a surprise. The last time he told me he had a surprise I had ended up looking after his pet cat Tiger for a week. Turns out that you really can't hide a cat from your parents for long. I watched curiously as he opened the boot and pulled out his old gym bag and a backpack.

"We haven't driven out here so you can murder me right?" I joked when five minutes had passed with him silently digging through his back pack.

Kevin rolled his eyes and laughed.

"Not today" he replied as he reached for his gym bag and quickly opened it "I promise that what I have planned today is _much_ better"

I peeked over his shoulder and tried to look at the contents of his bag, as soon as I saw what was in it I took a step back and held my hands up in protest, there was no way in hell he was getting me to go along with this. Ignoring my look of disgust he pulled out a light blue raincoat with a matching pair of Wellington boots. He smirked before holding them out to me, I almost laughed at how nice they looked considering what there were; you could always trust Kevin to worry about fashion at a time like this.

"Tell me your joking" I moaned as I took them from him, I held them away from me to show my disapproval "You really want to spend a good part of our Saturday, when it's not raining I might add, hiking through the woods like we have nothing better to do?" I looked down at my watch "We only have three hours in till we have to pick up Amy" I reminded him to in a last-ditch effort to try to make him change his mind. As much as the idea of hiking horrified me I knew I would end of having fun. That's one of the things I loved and hated about Kevin, no matter what we ended up doing we always had fun.

"We have loads of time" He quickly insisted as he pulled on his own matching boots and coat, they looked just like mine but red. I sighed in defeat and followed his lead, unsurprisingly the Wellington's and coat he picked out for me fit me perfectly "and yes, I think this is a great way to spend a Saturday"

I scoffed and he put his arm around my shoulders and gave me a small squeeze.

"It's not what we're doing that's going to be fun Kim. It's where we're going"

"Once again, what are we doing?"

He flashed me a smile and a wink.

"Baby you and I are heading down to Fort KK"

As soon as his words registered in my mind my bad mood disappeared and my enthusiasm quickly replaced it. Fork KK was a base that Kevin and I had spent one summer making when we were ten. It was made from old bits of wood that we found in the forest and various other places around La Push. We had spent days walking around looking for materials to make it. In the end we spending almost two years worth of our birthday money that we had saved on paint and nails to finish it. Needless to say my parents weren't best impressed when they realised that I had stolen and spent the birthday money my Mum had insisted I saved for a rainy day. Pointing out that almost every day was a rainy day didn't help.

Funnily enough out parents never once questioned where we spent all of our time. To this day I have never told another living person about it and I knew without asking that the same could be said for Kevin. Like so many other things this was out secret and ours alone. It must have been over five years since I've been back there. I looked at the dense woods in front of is and frowned, I don't think I would be able to find it if I tried. I watched Kevin pack a compass, map and a few bottles of water into his backpack. He _looked_ like he knew what he was doing.

"Are you sure you know the way?" I asked "I don't think I can remember how to get there"

Kevin nodded with confidence before taking my hand and pulling my forward. My boots sunk into the wet ground with every step I took and I started to wonder if this was such a good idea. I tried to remember how long it used to take us to get there when we were younger, surely we could get there and back with time to spare before we needed to get Amy.

"I know what I'm doing Kimmy" I scowled at the use of his old nick name for me and he turned to flash me a smile "Trust me"

* * *

"I can not believe you!"

"Kim, wait!"

"Trust me, you said. I know what I'm doing, you said, when the hell am I going to learn? My Mum's right, you do something stupid and without even questioning it I simply follow you" I spun around to face Kevin and held my bottle of water towards him in what I hoped was a threatening manner "You know what, I just realised something. Every time in my life that I get into trouble you are somehow involved! That time when my parents grounded _me_ for a month because _you_ thought it would be a good idea to see if my hamster could fly. When_ I_ wasn't allowed to watch the TV for two weeks because _you_ wanted to ring the UK and see if they said potato the same way as us. Also who can forget when _you_ persuaded me to race you down that hill on our bikes and_ I_ ended up breaking my arm!"

Kevin held up his hands in surrender and frowned.

"Kim, I'm _really_ sorry"

"Sorry?" I repeated with a slightly hysterical laugh "You're _sorry_? Kevin I have two hours in till I need to go and pick Amy up from Emily's house and thanks to you I am stuck in the middle of the woods with no bloody idea what direction to go in to get out!"

Kevin leaned against the tree closest to him and ran his hands over his face. Regardless of how angry I felt I still found myself feeling sorry for him, he looked so miserable. I knew it had nothing to do with me yelling at him, this wasn't the first time was of us had taken out our anger on the other, especially when the other one deserved it.

"I know" He groaned "I know. Kim I really am sorry" He looked up at me before shrugging his shoulders helplessly "I just wanted to do something to make you cheer up a bit. You've been so down these past couple of weeks. I mean things were bad when Jared was gone but then he got back and then you just seemed angry. All I wanted to do was help. I thought that if we could find Fort KK then you would forget about Jared for a few minutes and remember what life was like before, you know, Jared"

I lowered my bottle of water and almost dropped it, I should have known that he would have some reason that would make it impossible for me to stay mad at him. There was no denying that Kevin was one of my biggest weakness. I took a deep breath and sighed.

"Oh, Kevin"

Walking forward I put down my bottle of water and wrapped my arms around his while trying to calm him down, I loved him but he never did well in a crisis. When his breathing returned to normal I broke away from him and wordlessly held out my hand. Without being told he reached into his back pocket and sheepishly handed me the compass. I knew no more about navigating my way about the forest then he did but my grandfather had told me a few things about these woods. Plus one of us had to do something. I placed it in palm of my hand and watched the needle move around erratically before it finally held still. I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to remember everything my grandfather had told me.

"La Push is to the North" I muttered while turning my body in the right direction. Attempting to look confident I picked up my water and the bag before grabbed Kevin's hand and lightly pulling him along. "Come on, we need to go this way"

We walked for ten minutes or so in a comfortable silence, I couldn't help thinking that if we hadn't been lost then it would have been almost peaceful. The tree's leaves were rustling quietly in the wind and a few rare rays of sun were shinning down on the forest floor. I looked around and remember something I had been told when I was younger, the closer the tree's were to one another the deeper you were in the woods. I prayed to god that the distance from one tree to another was a good sign.

"You know we wouldn't be nearly this lost if you had just admitted you had no idea where we were half an hour ago" I said in a teasing tone.

Kevin nudged me and laughed as he linked his arm through mine.

"True" he agreed "but I do think you over reacted a bit"

I shot him an amazed look but he simply shrugged.

"You did. all I said was that there was a small chance that we were a little bit lost and next I know your stomping off and yelling about everything I've ever done wrong. And then you bloody started threatening me with a bottle. Thugs do that you know"

I rolled my eyes.

"It's plastic, not glass"

"Technicalities Kim. Besides I thought we had an unspoken agreement that I was the Drama Queen in this relationship"

I giggled and nudged him back.

"Well considering the amount you have your little moments I do think I'm allowed to have one every now and again too you know"

I let out a laugh that quickly turned into a yell as my body suddenly jerked downwards, all thoughts left my head, I barely registered Kevin letting go of my hand as I fell forward. My arms rushed out to try and stop myself falling on my face but as soon as they hit the ground I knew it had been a mistake. I yelled out again as my hands scrapped along the floor and a shooting pain ran up and down my leg. My arms gave way before they had any chance to soften my fall and there was a sicken thud as my head hit the ground. Before I even knew what had happened my head was spinning.

"Oh god, Kim! Are you okay?"

Kevin bent down to help me back up but as soon as he started to pull me up I knew it was no use, my ankle hurt so much I could barely move. I turned slightly to try and find the cause of my fall and my eyes narrowed as I noticed a badly placed small yet deep hole in the ground. Of course it would be a hole. I moved slightly and winced in pain, there was no way I was getting up. I tried to think of what to do but I knew there was only one option. Knowing I had no other choice I attempted to ignore the pain and turned to Kevin.

"I'm fine"

"No, you're not. Kim your ankle looks really swollen-"

"I know" I cut him off, I was doing my best to try and not look. I really didn't want to know what it looked like. I pointed to the compass I had dropped in my ill thought out attempt to soften my fall. "You need to grab the compass and find someone to come and help me"

Kevin's eyes widened and I carried on talking before he could say anything, I knew he would try and refuse.

"I can't move Kevin" I said in what I hoped was a calm voice "I need you to go and get help. Can you do that for me honey?"

He remained still for a moment before he slowly nodded his head in agreement. I breathed out a sigh of relief and tried to relax. I honestly wasn't sure if he was going to do it or not. Kevin had never been one for taking charge if there was no one there to help him. He didn't want to wonder off alone in the woods as much as I didn't want to be left alone in the woods.

"Okay, good. Right. Now one more thing Kevin and this is really important. When you find someone I need you to go and get Amy first. Then come and help me"

"What? Kim, no-"

"Kevin, please. Amy first"

A long minute passed before he nodded his consent. It wasn't in till he had grabbed the compass from the ground and his footsteps were starting to fade away that I allowed myself to wonder if he was lying.

* * *

"One, two buckle my shoe, three, four knock at the door. Five, six pickup sticks, seven, eight, lay them straight. Nine, ten, big fat hen, eleven, twelve, dig and delve. Thirteen, fourteen maids a courting. Fifteen, sixteen maids in the kitchen, seventeen, eighteen, maids in waiting, nineteen, twenty, my plates empty"

A soft snapping sound from in front of me made me jump and I buried my head in my hands and repeated the nursery rhyme for what felt like the millionth time. The sun was starting to go down and I hoped that someone would find me before it got too dark. When I was younger the woods had never bothered me, I lost count of the amount of afternoons I would spend wandering around in the woods by myself. There was nothing like being here on a rare sunny day, closing your eyes and just listening to the sound of nature. For the first time in my life I hated it. Being stuck in one place for too long was not agreeing with me. The forest had always felt like a safe place to me and yet here I was, letting my mind imaging all kinds of things creeping up on me.

"One, Two buckle my shoe, three, four knock at the door-"

My voice died in my throat as I heard the sound again, louder this time, directly in front of me. My head snapped up and I stared into the empty forest. The ground raised up slightly and made a small pile of dirt, the tree's were growing wildly around it and the surface was completely covered with over grown bush's that made it impossible to see anything that may be passed them. My heart sped up as I carried on looking at it, my head was trying to tell me that it was nothing but a voice inside my head was screaming. It was nothing, just a sound. There wasn't anything there.

Another sound reached me, even closer than before. As it got closer I started to realise that it sounded like a thudding sound, almost like something was hitting the ground. Something heavy.

_Thud, thud, thud._

I heard it again and again, with every sound it grew closer and closer in till it felt like my heart would burst out of my chest. It was suddenly getting harder to breathe.

I watched with bated breath as something started to appear from the bushes, it moved slowly and my eyes widened as my mind tried desperately to process what I was seeing. It wasn't possible. At first sight I thought it was a bear, the sheer size of it along with its light brown fur was enough to convince my mind. Barely five seconds passed before my senses kicked in and I knew I was wrong, the shape wasn't right. It looked like a wolf, only the size was wrong. It was too big, way too big.

A scream bubbled in my throat and I clamped my mouth closed to try to force it back down. I frantically tried to remember all the things my grandfather had told me when I was younger. If you see a wolf then you need to stay still. Stay silent. Stay calm. It was looking directly at me. My arms started to shake and my mind screamed at me to look away. Surely it wasn't good to make eye contact with a wolf, they probably hated that. All of my logic for looking away flashed in my mind but I remained frozen under its gaze. Its eyes burned into mine and I gasped as it looked at me. I had never seen eyes like that on an animal in my life.

They were beautiful. My heart was ready to burst out of my chest it was beating so hard and I almost laughed at how absurd my thoughts were. I could die any minute and I thought its eyes were beautiful. It lifted one of its huge paws and started to slowly take a step towards me, staying still left my mind and I scrambled back in panic, another shot of pain ran up my leg and my eyes left the werewolf as I cried out.

My head snapped up to the wolf as it made a sound. Its head was lowered almost to the floor and its ears were folded down. It made the sound again and my mouth opened in shock. It was...whining? the giant wolf carried on whining and it stilled completely before laying down on the floor with its head resting on its paws. Its dark eyes stayed glued to me. My heart carried on thumping and my breath was getting harsher as I waited for the pain in my leg to calm down. I really shouldn't have moved. My grandfather never told me what to do in this situation.

A few painfully tense minutes passed and my breathing came to a slow as I tried to think of what to do next. What was it doing? What was it looking at me like that?

"Please" I muttered stupidly "Please, don't hurt me"

The giant wolf turned his head to the side and I felt like my eyes were playing tricks on me as the corners of his mouth started to turn up in till it looked like it was smiling, it giant tongue stuck out the side of its mouth slightly and I let out a hysterical giggle at the sight. Its long tail moved from side to side at the sound of my laughed and it crawled along the floor, slowly moving closer.

"No"

The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them and to my shock the wolf stilled. My mouth opened in amazement and I took a second to look closer. Its ears were still low and the wolfish grin was gone. There was something about its brown eyes that made me think that it wasn't going to hurt me. While I couldn't even justify doing it to myself I slowly raised my hand and held it out towards the wolf. I did everything I could to try and keep my breathing normal all the while ignoring how badly my hands were shaking.

The wolf stayed in place for a moment before slowly carrying on crawling towards me. My whole body was shaking intensely by the time it was laying in front of me, it was close enough for me to reach out and touch but it stayed where it was, almost like it was waiting for me to make the first move. I took a deep breath and kept my eyes locked with it's as I gently touched it cold wet nose.

"Hey girl" I have no idea what compelled me to speak to it but I had no idea what else to do.

The wolf scrunched up its nose in disgust and I moved my hand back at the sudden movement. Almost immediately the wolf noticed and lowered it head again, waiting for me to calm down before it lifted its head to look at me.

"Oh right" I said with a nervous laugh "Not a girl then?"

He moved his head side from side a few times so it looked like he was shaking his head. I managed to mask my panic but my mind was racing. What the hell was going on? Was this wolf talking to me? I raised my hand and ran it over my head to check for any bumps, I don't remember hitting my head. Would I remember hitting my head? Feeling completely stupid I carried on talking.

"Do you...do you understand me?"

His deep brown eyes bore into mine for a moment and the undeniable intelligence in those eyes took my breath away. For reasons I couldn't explain it felt like everything I had ever needed was in those eyes, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't make myself look away. My heart almost completely stopped as his dark eyes looked unsure one second and then resolved the next. The wolf nodded his head once.

_Oh dear god._

"How-"

The wolfs head shot up and his ears went rigid, I managed not to flinch at his sudden movement this time but the way it was standing made me nervous, it felt like something was wrong. A movement behind the wolf made me tear my gaze away from him and I almost screamed. Standing there, bigger then the wolf in front of me was another one. Its fur was pitch black and its teeth was bared as he growled loudly, I had never heard anything worse than that sound. The brown wolf turned its head and growled back at the wolf for a moment before whimpering and lowering its head. He gave me one more long look before turning his back on me and walked past the black wolf. It was only when they were both out of sight that I allowed myself to breath again.

"Kim! Kim!"

"Kimmy!"

I recognized the sound of Kevin and Charlie Swans voice and I almost cried with relief, thank god.

* * *

I leaned back in my bed and closed my eyes, to say I was utterly exhausted would be an understatment. I can't remember that last time I was this confused and scared. Today I had faced Jared, got lost in the woods, twisted my ankle and then talked to a wolf. A very very big wolf. When the hell had my life got this complicated? What happened to the days where my biggest problem was whether Jared would notice me that day? The very thought made me feel worse because Jared had noticed me and yet I still managed to find a problem with that too. How the hell had I gotten here?

My bedroom door opened and I snapped out my thoughts to see Kevin standing in the doorway with a tray in his hands. He closed the door after him and I knew that my Dad still wasn't home. Not even his hurt daughter could take him away from his work. Kevin placed the tray on my lap and climbed onto the bed with me, he nudged me to the side to make room for himself and I smiled. No matter what happened he always acted the same around me. It was nice to know that one thing in my life would always be the same. I ignored the food in front of me and leaned my head against his shoulder and closed my eyes. Knowing what I needed he remained silent and allowed me to relax in the silence. I couldn't tell Kevin how thankful I was for him, not just for knowing what I needed but for how much he helped me. He explained the situation to Emily and she had agreed to look after Amy and then drop her off later on that night before my parents got home. He had also been kind enough to wait in A and E with me or over an hour while they sorted out my ankle, thankfully is was sprained rather than broken. Thanks to them Amy was fast asleep in her bed. I have no idea how long I was tapped in my own little world for before he spoke.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I opened my eyes and thought about it, was this something that I wanted to talk about? Kevin has been there for me no matter what but would this be too much? Would he think that I was nuts if I told him that I had talked to a wolf?

"No" I eventually replied "I don't"

He let out a long sigh before he leaned back onto the bed, pulling me down with him. I buried my head into his shoulder and without warning the tears suddenly came. Every cell in my body was willing me to remain silent but nothing I tried could stop my body from shaking as the sobs ran through me.

"It's okay" he said "We don't have to talk about it" I nodded into his body and finally allowed myself to fall apart. As I started to drift off to sleep a while later I swear I heard a wolf howl.

**Poor Jared, even I'm started to feel sorry for the guy! Thanks for the feed back guys and everyone that had put this story on alert. Your reviews make me type faster!**

**~XxxRememberxxMyxxLovexxX**


	5. I don't understand

My Everything

And it feels like jealousy  
And it feels like I can't breathe  
And I'm on, down on my knees  
And it feels like jealousy.  
Seeing a light  
A face in the crowd  
My lonely heart is racing.  
And my whole world  
Is under attack.  
What kinda love am I facing?

Jealousy – Will Young

Thank you to everyone that reviewed! It really means a lot to me. I'm sorry this update took so long but my life has been non stop at the moment. The good news if that over Christmas I have three weeks off of work so I'll have lots of time to write! Also I'm thinking of doing a chapter from Jareds POV but I'm not too sure yet so let me know what you think.

Disclaimed: I don't own Twilight. Only Kevin is mine.

Chapter Five

I don't understand

The next two weeks passed in a whirl of trying to juggle my school work, Kevin and my babysitting duties. My current mission in life was to try and occupy every spare moment I had, I quickly found that keeping myself busy was the best way to stop my mind from wandering to thoughts of Jared or the wolf I had seen. Sadly nothing I tried could stop the nightmares. Ever since that day in the forest I kept waking up around three in the morning, breathless and covered in a thin layer of sweat from how much I had thrashed about in my sleep. No matter how hard I tried to remember what the dreams were about they left my mind the moment I opened my eyes. But I did know that they were bad, really bad. I started to think that maybe I couldn't remember them because I didn't want to.

I thank god that my parents room is all the way own the hall so they didn't hear me yell out in my sleep, I honestly have no idea if they would ask me about them but it wasn't something I wanted to risk. Sadly the same couldn't be said for Amy, her room was right next door to my own. Most nights I got woken up to her crawling into bed with me. She never said anything; instead she would simply wrap her arms around me and allow me to fall asleep to the sound of her calm breathing. I hated her knowing something was wrong but a selfish part of me was also thankful, as much as I hated to admit it I some times needed someone there when I woke up. Someone real and familiar, it helped keep me sane in the madness that was currently my life.

Kevin and I spent as much time with each other as we normally did and I could tell he knew something wasn't right with me but he never pushed me to tell him. Like always he knew I would tell him when I was ready. He did everything he could think of to distract me from my problems. I think I've been busier in the last two weeks than I have been in the last six months. Rather then stay in and have our normal movie night we went out to watch a film instead. If my parents weren't in for the night he would pick Amy I up and we would go out for dinner. As well as being my best friend he was also the big brother that Amy needed. She had never understood what happened when George died but I knew that it hit her as hard as it had me. He had been our hero and it gave a weird sense of closure to see her bonding with Kevin, just from seeing the way she acted around him it was easy to see that she worshipped him in the same way she had our brother. I knew that no one could ever replace George but Kevin was a close second. He made her laugh when she was sad and he was able to give her things I knew my parents and I never would be able to, he made her feel protected.

By some miracle I had managed to avoid Jared inside and out side of school, the only time I had to face him was in the class we shared. Even though it was forty minutes they seemed like the longest of my life. I tried my hardest to concentrate on my work but it almost like I could feel heat radiating from his body, constantly reminding me of his presence in the seat next to mine. Despite not looking at him once I always felt his eyes on me. The second the bell rang I would gather my books and leave the room before he even had a chance to try and talk to me. It shocked how disappointed was when, after ten days, he finally stopped trying. He would still watch me but I think he finally got the message that I didn't want to talk to him. I knew I was taking the cowards way out but I had no idea what else to do; I was still angry with him and if I was ever going to get over him then a clean break was my best chance.

My panic doubled when letters started going out to La Push and Forks residents, warning them to stay out of the woods as it was no longer safe. People kept on reporting sights of seeing large bears in the woods and there had been multiple attacks on hikers. My Mum told me everything she knew one night over dinner and I soon lost my appetite. Several search parties had been sent out into the woods and they had found large prints, far too big for even a bear. The wolfs large paws flashed in my mind. My Mum carried on talking and for the first time I found myself wanting to tell someone, I wanted to warn them that it wasn't a bear, it was a wolf and there was more than one. With every day that passed I would hear more stories of prints being found or people going missing. Every time another person disappeared I thought about how lucky I had been, that could have been me. At the same time I didn't understand what had happened, why would I have been left alive when everyone else was killed? Maybe I had just been in the right place at the right time.

As far as the outside world knew my life went on as normal. It was a Saturday night and my parents had gone away for the weekend. My Dad needed to go away for work and my Mum had gone with him, I wish I could say she went to support him but I knew the shopping centres had more to do with it. Before the clock had even hit seven Kevin was on my doorstep insisting that I got Amy ready to go out to dinner. La Push didn't have much in the way of restaurants so I already knew where we would be going. Joe's had been open for as long as I can remember and before they had passed away my grandparents had taken me there every week. I tried to take Amy as often as I could to try and keep the tradition alive but I knew it wasn't the same. How ever it was easy to see that she loved it as much as I did, all I had to do was tell her where we were going and she was ready in a record time of ten minutes.

We sat down in our normal booth and I helped Amy take off her coat before looking around fondly, I spotted Miranda behind the counter and she waved at me before coming to take our order. Miranda had worked here for over ten years and she used to be a good friend of my grandparents, every time we came in here she made a big fuss over us and I loved her for it. They way her eyes sparkled when she smiled reminded me of my Nan. To look at her you wouldn't know she was over sixty, she dyed her hair a rich brown and in all my life I don't think I have seen her with a single grey hair. She was also the most out going person I have ever met, my parents disapproved of her so there had been a couple of years that we had lost touch. The day I was old enough to go out by myself the first place I went was Joe's.

"Kim!"

She leaned down to give me a hug that I eagerly returned, it seemed like a life time since I had last seen her.

"Hi Miranda"

She hugged Amy and Kevin before taking out her pad to take down our order.

"Don't tell me. Three cheese burgers, one portion of fries and three banana milkskakes?"

Kevin rested his head on his hands and smiled up at her.

"You know us too well"

Miranda laughed.

"I know you well enough to still adore you, you cheeky boy"

I scoffed.

"If you knew him like I do then I assure you your view of him would be very different"

Amy giggled and pointed at Kevin.

"Kevin bad!"

Miranda and I burst out laughing while Kevin pretended to look upset.

"You don't really think I'm bad do you Amy?"

Amy nodded.

"Bad Kevin!"

"I'm not bad!" Kevin protested "I'm only bad when I'm around your no good sister. She makes me do very naughty things"

Miranda laughed again and ruffled Kevin's hair affectionately.

"Now that I don't believe" She called over her shoulder as she walked off.

"Women! Can't live with them, can't make yourself attracted to them"

I shot Kevin and warning look and checked on Amy; luckily she was preoccupied with filling in one of the kids play mats. Kevin and I have agreed to wait till Amy was older to tell her about Kevin being gay. It wasn't because I thought she would take it badly but more because I knew she wouldn't understand at this age, the last thing I wanted to do was confuse her. Plus the thought of her asking my parents questions about it scared me, knowing my luck I would be grounded for a month. Kevin rolled his eyes and smirked.

Our food had already arrived and I was busy cutting up Amy's dinner before starting my own when the door of the diner opened again. The sound of the bell ringing distracted me enough for me to glance up fleetingly. As soon as I saw them I froze. Kevin noticed my deer in head lights look and he sighed, without me saying a word he knew who had walked in.

"He's here, isn't he?"

I nodded.

To make matters worse it wasn't just him, they were all here: Jake, Quil, Paul, Embry, Seth and of course Jared. Before any of them could notice me I went back to cutting Amy's dinner and forced my smile back in place. I wasn't going to let him ruin my evening. I repeated all the reasons he was bad for me in my head and to my relief if worked, it was betting to be angry than scared.

I had barely taken my first bite when Paul walked over to us, his flashed me a smile and sat down in the spare seat next to Kevin. I looked at Kevin in desperation but he had a sudden interest in his plate. Clearly I was on my own.

"Kim, long time no see. You don't write, you don't call"

"What can I say?" I replied "I've been busy"

He frowned and made a show of slumping down in his seat.

"Surely I'm not that bad"

Kevin laughed and quickly tried to turn it into a cough when Paul scowled at him. I put down my fork and gently rubbed my forehead, all of this was giving me a headache. I looked at Paul and deliberately kept my focus of him, all I wanted to do was look pasted him to where I knew Jared was sitting a few tables down.

Stay strong Kim.

"Cut the bullshit Paul"

As soon as the words left my mouth I remembered Amy sitting with us, from the way she didn't say anything I gathered she hadn't been paying attention. I carried on while reminding myself to mind my language.

"What do you want? Don't tell me, you've come to play the distraction again?"

"Not exactly"

"Just say it Paul, my dinners getting cold"

"Give him a chance Kim"

"Leave"

"Kim-"

"I gave him a chance Paul; I gave him _years_ worth of chances. Every day he came into that class room and sat in the seat next to me and not once did he even notice that I was there. Suddenly he takes an interest in me and what? I'm just meant to jump up and down with excitement?" I smiled sadly and went back to my dinner "I like myself too much to do that Paul. I have some self respect"

"Your stubborn, anyone ever tell you that?"

I ignored him and started eating.

"It's not a bad thing though" he carried on as he stood up from the table. "Jared's stubborn too. Not to mention he has the patience of a saint. I give you about a week before you change your mind"

"Go away Paul"

"I'm just saying Kim, there's more to him then you think"

"I doubt that"

"You'll see-"

Faster than I would of thought possible Kevin was out of his seat and standing in front of Paul, they were nose to nose and Kevin's chest was heaving as he took deep breaths like he had been running. When Kevin stood up tall he was only a head shorter then Paul, he had grown taller in the last few weeks. I frowned. I have been so distracted with my own problems that I hadn't even noticed.

"She asked you to leave"

Paul leaned down in till he was eye leave with Kevin and he smirked.

"My, my. Very protective aren't you? What's wrong, worried I'm after your girl?"

Despite the situation I had to hold back my laugh, clearly some people still thought that something was going on between Kevin and I. The thought made my frown deepen and I looked over at Jared's table. I wonder if they all thought that? Seth, Embry, Jake and Quil were all watching the interaction between my best friend and Paul. I noticed that Jake was almost out of his seat, almost like he was getting himself ready to come and break the two up. Jared on the other hand wasn't paying any attention to them, instead he was staring straight ahead.

Right at me.

His eyes were locked with mine and for a moment everything else seemed to fade into the back ground. Nothing else mattered but him. My hands were shaking and I had to fight against my body as it screamed at me to move closer to him. I _needed_ to be closer. A rush of emotion ran over me with such force that it felt like I was being pushed back into my chair. I remembered the crush I used to have on Jared and I pushed those small feelings aside. All of those nights dreaming of Jared, all of the times I had written Mrs Jared Russel in every single one of my school books meant nothing compared to what I was feeling now.

_This_ was love.

And it scared the crap out of me.

The voices next to me where getting louder and I reluctantly tore my gaze away.

"Get the hell out of here" Kevin practically growled.

I watched in horror and they moved even closer, their noses almost touching as they tried to stare each other down. I sunk back in my chair as my mind raced; in all the years I have known Kevin I had never heard him use that tone of voice before. It was like my best friend was gone and in his place stood an extremely angry man. Just as I was about to stand up and put a stop to what was rapidly turning into a fight Jared was out of his seat and standing in between them. He put his hand on Paul's chest and moved him a few steps back.

"Paul, stop. You need to calm down"

The words were directed at Paul but Jared was watching Kevin, both of the boys hands were shaking badly. The trembling was getting worse with every second, Quil and Embry joined Jared in his efforts to put distance between them. This all seemed like a weird dream, one moment everything was fine and the next it was falling apart.

Coming to my senses I took a crumbled twenty out of pocket and chucked it onto the table before grabbing Amy, I had barely even touched my burger but that didn't matter right now. I had to get Amy out of here.

"Kevin we need to leave"

He carried on squaring off to Paul and I huffed angrily as I grabbed my coat and bag.

"Fine" I seethed "Stay here and be an idiot"

Without looking back I walked away from them and I had to resist the urge to rip the bell off of the door as it rang, signalling our departure. It wasn't in till I was standing outside with the cold wind biting into my skin that I remembered Kevin had driven us here. I zipped up Amy's coat and prepared us for the long walk home.

"Is Kevin okay?"

I looked at my little sister as she voiced the question that was running through my mind. I honestly didn't know the answer.

"Of course" I lied.

Amy nodded and fiddled with the zip on her coat.

"He seemed mad"

I crouched down and pulled her into a hug.

"Kevin's never mad Amy"

In till now.

"Is he taking us home?"

I sighed. I was still trying to figure this all out myself. Having Amy here to question everything wasn't helping. My mind was scrambling for an answer when that annoying bell rang again. I turned around to see Kevin walking towards us. The trembling of his arms had calmed down and his face was void of emotion as he got closer to us. I stood up and awkwardly held onto Amy's hand. Offering no explanation he picked Amy and walked over to his car.

* * *

Tired from the excitement Amy had fallen asleep as soon as I secured her into the car. The ride home was relatively silent and I waited patiently for Kevin to say something. I fiddled with the radio to keep myself busy and stopped when I found a quiet slow song I hadn't heard before. we pulled up to my house and Kevin parked in the drive way but kept the engine running.

"You coming in?"

He sighed and leaned back into his chair.

"Not tonight" he looked and me and smiled, even in the darkness I could tell it was forced. "I think I'm just going to head home"

I hesitated before nodding and opening my door. Not saying a word I gently took Amy out of the car and used my hip to close the car door. I bent down to the passenger window and tried to smile, for some reason something felt wrong. Kevin had never been like this with me before. I took a deep breath, to make matters worse my eyes start to sting as I held back tears.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" It was meant to be a statement but even to my own ears in sounded like a question.

"Of course"

He pulled out of the drive and a second later he was gone. I breathed a sigh of relief and looked down at Amy sleeping in my arms. I smiled down at her before turning around and walking up the steps of my house. It wasn't in till I got to the door that I remembered my parents were away and the house was all locked up. I shifted Amy's weight and tried to reach into my pockets to get my keys. She slipped from my grasp slightly and I quickly rapped my arm back around her.

Great.

I looked around to see if there was some where I could put her down, even thought I knew there wasn't one. I loved our house but it was old, the porch needed to be redone; the was paint flaking off the walls and falling onto the floor, the carpet was dirty and it was freezing. There was no way I could put her down.

"You need a hand?"

I spun around and let out a small noise of shock. My mouth went dry and my heart was hammering against my chest.

"Jared?"

**I hope you enjoyed this one. Don't worry Jared will be in it more next chapter. Reviews help me write!**

**~XxxRememberxxMyxxLovexxX**


	6. Changes

My Everything

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Stand a little taller

Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

What doesn't kill you makes a fighter

Footsteps even lighter

Doesn't mean I'm over 'cause you're gone

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger

Just me myself and I

_What doesn't kill you – Kelly Clarkson_

Thanks to everyone that reviewed, it really means alot to me. I will be honest, in some ways I'm a little disappointed that so many people have me on story alert yet they don't review. Regardless please let me know how I'm doing! I want to thank everyone for the feedback I've had with this story, it's been so great. I've had a profile on fan fiction before but I ended up leaving it because of the amount of abuse I got on my stories. I'm dyslexic so writing isn't something that comes easy for me but it _is_ something I love doing. If you think there is some way that I can make my writing better than any feedback is good feedback!

I'll warn you now, this chapter is short but it needs to be done. Besides a short update is better than no update right? Starting from now I have three weeks off from work so you'll be seeing more of me I promise!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, only Kevin is mine.

Chapter Six

Changes

Kevin's POV

Faggot.

Poof.

Queer.

Pillow biter.

Nancy.

Fairy.

Pansy.

You name it and chances are that over the years I have been called it. Doing simple things like going to the local shops or walking down the hall at school use to be a nightmare for me. During the first year after I came out I received more black eyes and bruises than I care to count. Members of my own family stopped talking to me, insisting that I had a problem, a disease that needed to be cured.

"_Your sick" they insisted "You have a problem but it can be fixed if you try, fight it. The devil is trying to lure you into his fiery pits of hell"_

And they claimed_ I_ was sick.

I could try and ignore my feelings. If I really wanted to I would be perfectly capable of finding some nice girl, settling down and having some kids like my parents wanted me to. Like they had always expected me to.

But I would never be happy.

I won't lie- it was hard. Really hard. But at the same time I like to think that I wouldn't change anything about it; at the end of the day I'm who I am because of it. I came out stronger and I learned to love who I am.

I've never been a violent person. In fact in till today I can't remember the last time I lost my temper with someone. Even on the odd occasions that I did get angry it would take more than a few simple words to make it happen.

"_Go away Paul"_

"_I'm just saying Kim, there's more to him then you think"_

"_I doubt that"_

"_You'll see-" _

_I was out of my seat in a second our noses almost touching, my hands were shaking and I couldn't think. I was just so angry, so mad. How dare he talk to her like that. Wasn't she dealing with enough right now without him and his stupid friends trying to push someone like Jared down her throat? She said no and that should be the end of it._

"_She asked you to leave"_

I snapped.

It was irrational and stupid but none of that mattered. It felt like a hot rage was boiling inside of me, so fierce and new and different that I felt like I was going to burst if I didn't do something about it. My skin didn't feel like my own and hidden underneath those feelings I was scared, more terrified than I have even been in my life.

It was the thought of Kim and Amy standing outside in the cold that made me regain some of my senses and walk away from Paul. Regardless of what I was feeling they needed me. Kim had been there for me through out everything, every fight, ever broken heart and every time I felt like giving up she had been the one to wipe away my tears. No matter what it cost me I would always be there to do the same for her.

The look on her face when I told her I wasn't going to come inside made me feel terrible, I wanted to tell her I was joking. In some ways it would have been easy to go inside with her, tuck Amy into bed and stay up later telling her how I felt, how confusing and wrong everything suddenly was.

But something was telling me I couldn't.

My hands were gripping the steering wheel so tight my knuckles were white but I didn't care. My speed hit sixty and kept on rising as I pushed my small car to go as fast as it was able. For the first time my car hit ninety but still it wasn't enough. I carried on as Pink blared from my radio, it wasn't appropriate for my mood but I couldn't bring myself to turn it off.

I needed the speed. My body was screaming for it so badly that I didn't even understand it.

The car swerved round a sharp corner. Bright car lights appeared abruptly from the darkness and I was momentarily blinded. My heart raced as the sound of a car horn broke through the night, jerking the car to the right I tried to avoid the one coming car. it stalled and came to a shuddering right halt.

The other car passed me without stopping.

Dick head.

_How did I become this obnoxious? What is it with you that makes me act like this? I've never been this nasty. Da, da, da, da. Can't you tell that this is just a contest? The one that wins will be the one who hits the hardest._

A noise close to a growl erupted from my mouth and without thinking I slammed my fist into the radio.

Once.

Twice.

Once more.

I listened to my laboured breath for a few minutes before getting out of the car and slamming the door behind me.

I needed air.

I needed to move. I needed _something._

"_Go away Paul"_

"_I'm just saying Kim, there's more to him then you think"_

"_I doubt that"_

"_You'll see-" _

"_She asked you to leave"_

Anger washed over me all over again and my arms were shaking, my body practically vibrating from the violent motions moving over me.

Then it happened:

I exploded.

* * *

I know it's not long but it needed to be put out there for some unknown reason I felt that Kevin needed his own chapter, separate away from anyone else. To be honest Kevin was only meant to be a side character but it seems like he's taken a life of his own! Please review, I love to know how I'm doing!

Next chapter is going to be Jared and Kim filled, you have my word!

~XxxRememberxxMyxxLovexxX


	7. Cry on my shoulder

My Everything

And I'll be there through the good times,  
and the bad,  
and we'll be there for each other,  
cause you're the best friend I've ever had.

And just when you thought you were falling,  
but you know I'll always be right there.  
oh-oooh whenever you need me,  
I'll always be right there.

I'll always be right there – Michelle Branch

Fifteen reviews? For one chapter? Oh my god! I love you guys so much! Thank you for the feedback for the last chapter, I'm really happy to hear that you all enjoyed hearing things from Kevin's point of view. I loved some of the reactions I got. I didn't think that his story was going to go in that direction but as I kept on writing it started to feel right. I am so sorry about the long wait for this chapter, so much has happened this month, my brother went to jail, I got engaged and my fiancés Nan died. Turns out January was a great and yet bad month for me. I promised you some Kim and Jared time so enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, only Kevin is mine.

Chapter Seven

Cry on my shoulder

_**Previously on My Everything:**_

_**I looked around to see if there was some where I could put her down, even thought I knew there wasn't one. I loved our house but it was old, the porch needed to be redone; the was paint flaking off the walls and falling onto the floor, the carpet was dirty and it was freezing. There was no way I could put her down.**_

_**"You need a hand?"**_

_**I spun around and let out a small noise of shock. My mouth went dry and my heart was hammering against my chest.**_

_**"Jared?"**_

"_Hi, this is the Richardson residence. I'm sorry but we can't come to the phone right now, if you leave your name and number then we will try to get back to you as soon as possible." _

A bleep sounded, signalling me to speak but it felt like someone had their hands round my neck. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't make a sound. I was holding the phone close to my ear, gripping it so hard my hand started to hurt. The familiar panic that had been wrapped around my heart for the last three weeks intensified.

It's been three weeks.

I've called him, I walked to his house and knocked on the door in till I couldn't feel anything in my hands. When things got really bad I even tried to e-mail him, even though I know for a fact that he never checks his e-mail.

I was that desperate.

"...honey, are you alright?"

I almost dropping the phone as I spun round to see my Mum standing there. Her arms were full of shopping bags and the worried look on her face made me wonder how long she had been trying to get my attention. Realising she expected an answer my face automatically pushed my mouth into a smile. I placed the phone back in its cradle before grabbing some of her bags and proceeding to put them away.

"Of course Mum" I said in what I hoped was a dismissive voice, I had never really lied to my parents before and I felt guilty as soon as the words were out.

I saw her nod out of the corner of my eye. Without saying a word she began to help me put away the shopping. We fell into a comfortable silence and I focused on the task at hand, thankful to have any kind of distraction . Sadly the silence was short lived, I was on my third bag when my Mum turned to me.

"He's still not answering the phone?"

My body froze.

My gaze was fixed on the bag of peas in my hand.

I took a deep breath.

"No" I finally replied. I kept my answer short and hoped that she would drop it. Like normal she didn't notice and carried on.

"I'm sure he'll call back soon Kim. You know Kevin would never ignore you unless he had a good enough reason"

I managed to stop myself from snorting.

There was no reason good enough for him to ignore me like this. Some where under all my hurt was anger at Kevin. Did he not realise what he was doing to me?

"It's been three weeks Mum"

"I know" her voice was soft and I hated it, the familiar sting of tears appeared and I wished I could give in, hug my Mum and cry on her shoulder like she wanted me too. Instead I tried to push them back and carried on unpacking.

Mum didn't say anything after that.

Against my better judgement my mind wondered back to the last night I had seen Kevin. There was more than one reason I remembered it so well.

* * *

"_Jared?"_

_As soon as I spoke the corners of his mouth turned up and the sweetest dimple I have ever seen appeared. There had only been a handful of time I had been close enough to Jared to get the full effects of his smile but compared to those this was different; I had never seen him smile like that before._

_It made breathing hard._

_I opened my mouth to say something...anything..._

_I couldn't believe it. I couldn't fucking believe it. How many times had I day dreamed about this moment? Jared was standing on my doorstep, smiling up at me, and all I could do was gasp at him like an idiot. Speak you fool! Say something!_

"_What...what are you doing here?"_

_His smiled faulted slightly and I wanted to kick myself. Trust me to get what I had always dreamed of just to ruin it. He shrugged awkwardly and stuffed his hands into his pockets. _

"_I just wanted to...I wanted to say sorry about Paul. He can be a git some times"_

_I nodded._

"_Don't worry about it. I get it"_

"_No really" he insisted as he took a step closer "he was out of line. I'm sorry he upset you" he hesitated "and your friend"_

_I frowned at his hesitation, it felt like I was missing some thing._

"_Kevin's fine" I lied "I think Paul just annoyed him"_

_Jared laughed and he seemed to relax slightly as he realised I wasn't going to ask him to leave._

"_Yeah, Paul has that effect on people"_

_I smiled and he smiled widely in return._

_I shifted Amy's weight enough to be able to finally reach my keys from the front pockets of my jeans. I was trying to pick out the house key when Jared walked forward and plucked them from my hands._

"_Here" He said as he placed the right key in the door and opened it for me "let me help you"_

_I smiled gratefully and walked inside, it wasn't in till I had reached the bottom of the stairs that I realised that Jared was still standing in the door way, unsure of what to do. I bit my lip and looked down at Amy sleeping in my arms like I was hoping she would tell me what I should do. Telling myself to pull it together I looked back at the door to see Jared looking right at me, his eyes looked so intense in that moment. My mouth felt dry and I hoped to god that he didn't notice how badly my legs were shaking._

"_Do you...do you want to come in?"_

* * *

I locked the cubical door behind me and sighed. Without Kevin here school seemed ten times harder then it did before. I've never cared about what people at school thought of my before but now if felt different. Kevin wasn't here to help me laugh their comments off any more. I'd never realised how lost I would feel without him.

Making sure the seat was down I sat down and pulled out the book I had started to read the night before. I got comfortable and quickly found my place before getting lost in a new story. I had just finished the second chapter when I heard the toilet door swing open. Doing my best to keep quiet I picked my bag up off the floor and lifted up my feet, the last thing I needed was people knowing I had reduced myself to spending my lunch break hiding in the girls toilets.

The room was soon filled with the sound of laugher and I silently groaned as I recognized Kirsty's shrill laugher. If she was here then that meant that her two lap dogs Becky and Rachel weren't far behind.

They made no move to enter one of the stool and I could picture them standing there, looking in the mirror to check their make up and hair.

"I don't know Becky" Kirsty snorted "You should really get checked out if your willing to use the words hot and Kevin in the same sentence"

My head shot up and I almost dropped my book on the floor.

Kevin?

My Kevin?

"It's true" Becky insisted "I saw him last night. He was hanging out with Jacob and his friends. I'm telling you Kirsty it's like some things happened to him. He wasn't wearing a shirt and there were some serious muscles on show. The boy looks like puberty has caught up with him and I'm telling you: it was kind"

I relaxed. Of course they weren't talking about Kevin. While Kevin wasn't a bad looking guy he was too tall and thin to become that muscular since the last time I saw him.

"She's right" Rachel added "I saw him too"

"Hmm. Well that would explain why we haven't seen him hanging around with Kim these last few weeks. God knows someone who looks like that wouldn't look twice at someone like her. Maybe he finally came to his senses"

They all laughed again and I felt sick.

Kevin.

My best friend Kevin.

No. Just Kevin.

He was fine. He was safe. There was nothing wrong with him, just something wrong with me. I didn't want to believe them but what other choice did I have? What else are you meant to think when your best friend disappears without a trace only for you to find out that he's been busy hanging out with people like Jacob? All the possibilities were running through my head, if he was hanging out with Jacob then did that mean he was now friends with Jared too? If so then why hadn't he been in school and the other boys were?

When the hell did everything get this complicated?

"Hey, wait" Rachel said "Isn't Kevin Richardson like, you know" her voice lowered and she said the next word like it was dirty _"gay?"_

"God knows" Kirsty replied "So what? If he's really as hot as you two are saying he is then I'm sure I can fix him. Give me ten minutes with him and he'll be normal in no time"

_Fix him?_

_Normal?_

Suddenly I was seeing red.

* * *

_I stood there, my body frozen in shock._

_What the hell just happened?_

_I don't know who was more amazed at my words, Jared or me._

"_Yeah" he said, sounding slightly dazed "I'd love to come in"_

_Knowing it was too late to change my mind I nodded._

"_G-give me a minute" I said as he walked inside and closed the door "I need to go and put Amy to bed. I'll be right back"_

_Without waiting for his answer I turned and started walking up the stairs. I had barely taken two steps when his voice made me stop._

"_Hurry back"_

_I tried to say something but rather than words a weird squeaking sound came out of my mouth. I heard his chuckle quietly to himself. My face flushed and I ran up the rest of the stairs as fas dared with Amy in my arms._

_Making sure to be careful I helped Amy get into her pajamas, she was half asleep and she kept on nodding off slightly as I dressed her. I knew she would be out within seconds. Putting Amy into bed I kissing her goodnight and turned on her night light. She was out before I reached her door. I stood there and watched her sleeping for a second. Knowing I couldn't put if off any longer I pulled the door too and made my way to the stairs._

* * *

The stall door slammed open and the three girls jumped. They spun around to face me and Kirsty's face turned into a scowl when she realised it was me. I put my bag over my shoulder and smiled.

"Oh sorry. Did I make you jump?"

If looks could kill I would be dead but I ignored it, right now I was too mad to care.

"Oh, it's only _you"_

I laughed and my hands clenched into fists as I tried to keep myself calm. Her words were ringing in my head. As mad as I was at Kevin I couldn't let her talk about him like there was something wrong with him. Like he was something that could be fixed. His family already did enough of that without her adding herself to the mix.

"Yeah, it's only me, but you know what?" I closed the small gap that was between us in till we were nose to nose. She was slightly taller then me but I pushed the thought to the back on my mind, right now she could of been twice the size of me and I don't think I would have cared. She still had her scowl in place but I could see her confidence waver slightly, in all the years she had been pushing me around I had never allowed myself to get this close to her before. "If you say one more word about how Kevin needs to be _fixed _then your going to find yourself wishing that someone else, anyone else, had been in that cubical"

Her eyes widened but she quickly put her perfect mask back into place.

"Oh really?" she laughed and her two followers quickly followed suit "Don't you like it when I talk about your little boyfriend? Aww bless you. Whats wrong Kimmy? Don't you like the thought that maybe I can fix him in ways that you never could?"

I'm not sure what made me do it. It could have been her annoying laugh, maybe it was the way she was speaking so brazenly about my best friend that she didn't even know or, most likely, it might have been her calling me Kimmy like Kevin used to. All I know is that one second she laughing in my face and the next I heard a sickening crunching sound as my fist connected with her nose.

Rachel and Becky started screaming as Kirsty went down to the floor, her right hand was holding onto her nose and I could see blood staining her hands. Before I could change my mind I leaned down to her level and smiled.

"It's not so nice when your on the other end of the bullying , is it?"

Without waiting for an answer I grabbed my book and left. My heart was beating furiously and my hands were shaking, trying not to think about what I had just done I let my feet carry on running. I knew without thinking about it where I was going.

I might as well use my new found anger to try and get some answers.

* * *

_Despite giving myself several pep talks on my way down the stairs I still stopped short at the sight on Jared standing in my kitchen. His hands were stuffed into his pockets and he was leaning against the counter with his normal heart stopping smile on his face. If there had ever been a time I would consider calling a boy beautiful it would be now. He was just so...perfect. I knew I was staring but I couldn't help myself, it felt so surreal I was used to keeping my home and school life separate and now they were coming together like this I had no idea how to handle it. How was I meant to feel? Happy? ... doubtful?_

_I thought about it for a moment before my mind settled on the latter. As much as I wanted to except the situation for what it appeared to be it felt like my mind wouldn't let me. I had spent years wishing he would notice me but it felt all wrong, it was happening too fast. I ran my hand through my hair and sighed, suddenly it seemed like I hadn't slept in days._

"_Listen Jared, it's really late and I need to call Kevin. I want to make sure he's okay"_

_His body tensed and he nodded._

"_Of course. It sounds like you really care about him"_

_I nodded._

"_Yeah, I do. Kevin's always been there for me"_

_His expression changed slightly and I frowned, was it just me or did he look...guilty?_

"_Thats good. You deserve someone who will look after you. Does...does he make you happy?"_

"_Erm, yeah I guess. I mean god knows our sense of humour is completely different but we always seem to find a middle ground. When ever I need someone Kevin is always there to help me, he always has been. Even since we were little he's looked after me. Honestly I don't know what I would do without him"_

* * *

They were exactly where I thought they were going to be. While everyone else had escaped the rain by eating their lunch's inside the boys had spent the last few weeks hiding away in Jacob's car. I couldn't understand why they would purposefully avoid the lunch room, compared to my experiences in there for them it was a walk in the park. All they had to do was walk in and ninety percent of the females would swoon at their feet. I'm sure it would of sickened me more if I hadn't been one of those girls myself a while ago.

God knows they normally lapped up the attention like it was their only life source.

The windows were misted slightly from their breathing but I could clearly make out Jacob sitting in the drivers seat. There were a couple of people sitting in the back and I tried to ignore the way my heart rate sky rocketed when I spotted the person sitting next to Jacob. I didn't want to face him right now but as they all stepped out of the car I knew it was too late to turn back now. Quil, Seth and Paul had been the people in the back and I frowned as I looked at the five of them standing there. Where was Embry?

The rain started coming down even harder, my clothes were so wet they started to stick to my skin and I dreaded to think about how bad my hair looked. I had never been so happy about not wearing make up. They were all smiling kindly at me but their sheer size alone was enough to make me want to take a step back.

If I hadn't known better I would of thought they were brothers. Each one of them were just as tall and muscular as the next. Much to my displeasure Jared was the only one of them that stood out to me. No matter how gorgeous the other boys were they still had nothing on my Jared.

What. The. Fuck.

_Jared_. They have nothing on _Jared._

"You alright Kim?" Seth asked as they walked closer to me "what brings you out into the rain?"

His gaze was cautious but his normal carefree smile stayed in place.

"I'm looking for someone actually" I replied sweetly "I have a feeling you can help me find them"

Jacob wrapped his arm around Jared's shoulder and pulled him closer.

"It just so happens that I have just the person your looking for"

I laughed but I'm sure they could tell it was forced.

"I'm sure you do. But I can promise you that he is not the person I'm looking for. You know who I'm talking about"

Paul scoffed and my head snapped to him. He was leaning against the car and smirking at me, just looking at him pissed me off more. This all started because he hadn't been able to keep him mouth shut. Maybe if he hadn't made Kevin flip in the first place then we all wouldn't be standing here. I would be inside with Kevin, eating my lunch and laughing as we talked about how ridiculous Mr. Williams new wig looked this morning.

"We don't know who your talking about Kim" he sniggered "Why don't you enlighten us?"

"_Kevin!" _I practically yelled "I'm talking about Kevin. I know you've seen him and I need you to tell me where he is"

A look passed between them and I could tell they were going to lie to me, obviously this did nothing to calm me down.

"Kim, we don't know-"

"Save it. Your lying. I know you are"

Jared walked over to me and I tensed. He looked nervous but I could tell he was trying to hide it. We hadn't talked since the night I last saw Kevin. Everything rushed from my mind as the realisation of what I just thought washed over me. There were pieces missing of the puzzle but something was telling me that they were linked some how.

* * *

_He hummed in acknowledgement._

"_So...have you two been together long?"_

_I frowned. What?_

_Suddenly some thing clicked in my mind and I almost burst out laughing. Did he think...?_

_Oh my god, he did._

_I covered my mouth to try and hide my smile._

"_No" I replied " Jared, I think you may have the wrong idea the relationship Kevin and I have"_

_He flinched._

"_No, no" he said "It's cool. He makes you happy so, you know. Thats what matters"_

"_Yeah, he does. But Kevin's not my boyfriend. I'm not really his type"_

_He stood there silently and I could see him trying to process what I had just told him. His reply was not what I was expecting._

"_What do you mean your not his type? Kim your beautiful, funny, smart. There's so many things to love about you. How can you not be his type?"_

_I flushed._

_He just called me beautiful._

"_there are so many things to love about you"_

_My feet were still on the ground but I felt like I was floating._

"_...Kim? Kim, are you alright?"_

_Jared waved his hand in front of my face and I sunk back to the ground._

"_He's gay" I blurted._

_Jared looked confused._

"_What?"_

"_Kevin" I rushed to explain "The reason I'm not his type is because Kevin's gay. He's more likely to go for you then me"_

_I blanched. Floor, eat me please._

_Nothing happened for a moment and then without warning he started laughing. Loud, joyful laughter. He leaned against the side for support. I wasn't sure what to do so I just smiled and watched him. Pulling himself together he stood up right and tried to calm down._

"_Sorry, sorry" he gasped "I just...how the hell did I not see that?"_

_I shrugged._

"_He doesn't hide it but you would be surprised at the amount of people who have no idea about Kevin. It's weird really"_

"_So, your single?"_

"_Yeah. I guess"_

"_Well do you think maybe you and I could-"_

_His phone started to ring and just like that the moment was gone. He swore under his breath and flashed me a smile before flipping open his phone._

"_Jared speaking"_

_I could hear the sound of someone yelling down the phone but it was too muffled to be able to tell what they were saying. Jared's smile was gone and his expression went from disbelief to shock._

"_When?"_

_More talking._

"_Who's there?"_

_He nodded to himself._

"_Now's not the best time-"_

_He sighed and glanced at me._

"_Fine. I'll be right there"_

_He snapped his phone shut and put it back in his pocket._

"_Sorry" he muttered "I need to go"_

_I wanted to ask him why but I managed to stop myself in time. He wasn't mine and I had no reason to need to know where he was going. But the temptation to ask was still there. He walked to the door and I followed._

"_Okay, well get home safe"_

_The door closed behind him and I stood there looking at it. What the hell did I do?_

* * *

Jared was giving me his best "melt at my feet" smile and I reminded myself to stay focused. Now was not the time to let him distract me. I crossed my arms and tried to shoot him my best scowl, if he wanted to play this game then I was sure as hell going to win.

"I think you might have your wires crossed Kim. The last time we talked to Kevin was the night in the diner"

"The night he disappeared"

Jared raised his eyebrows.

"Have his parents reported him as missing?"

Damn. He had me and he knew it. Technically Kevin wasn't missing but it felt like he was. While I normally wouldn't trust a word Kirsty and her friends said I knew they had no reason to lie. In till I burst their little bubble they hadn't even known I was there. No matter what they said I was convinced they knew where Kevin was.

"No" I spat "They haven't"

"Well there you" Paul interjected before Jared could reply "He's not missing"

"Yes, he is" I gritted out "I know he is"

"How?"

"Because if he was okay then I would of seen him by now! Even if he was on his death bed he would still call me" Okay, so I was being a bit dramatic but I didn't know what else to do "He calls- he _used_ to call me every night at nine, without fail. I have called him every day for the past three weeks and not once has he tried to return my calls. I've tried everything I can think of, I've called, facebooked, I've gone round there to try and see him but he's never there. I got so desperate I even e-mailed him! I thought-"

My voice caught and I put a hand over my mouth to try and hide a small sob. I couldn't believe this was happening to me. Here I was, talking to Jared and his friends of all people and all I could do was yell and cry.

"I thought something had happened to him" I carried on when I had calmed down "And then just when I was starting to give up hope I find out that he's been seen, completely fine, with you lot. Then when I ask you about it all you can do is stand there and try and feed me a load of bullshit about how you haven't seen him. He's never done this to me before and he wouldn't start now"

"Are you sure your not the problem?" Paul asks.

I turn to him and frown. What?

"Maybe he just doesn't want to be your friend any more, did you ever think about that?" I stay silent and he smirks "No? Didn't think so. You call him every day and he doesn't reply so you think some things wrong. Gay or not this sounds to me more like your hung up on him"

"Your wrong" I said in a voice that didn't sound like my own. I knew he was wrong but I would be lying if I said it still didn't hurt. His word sounded too familiar to Kirtys. "Kevin's my friend and he always will be. If that was true then he would of just told me so. That doesn't explain why he hasn't been to school in three weeks. I doubt falling out with me would be enough reason for skipping school for this long"

I had a point and they knew it. I hated Paul even more in that moment. Kevin would never leave me like that, he promised me he wouldn't. He said that he would always be there. Not after George. Not after I lost him.

Jared looks pained as he watches me and for a moment I felt some hope. Just as soon as it appeared it was gone.

"I'm sorry Kim" Jared simply replies "We don't know where he is"

The warning bell to return to class rings but I ignore it. Rather then head back to the school I walk towards the school gate. One way or another I was getting answers.

* * *

Hope you all enjoyed! Thank you for all the support and PM's I've gotten, it means loads to me! Just to say sorry for the long wait I'm going to give you a sneak peak at next chapter:

_Flashback_

_There was so much blood. It was every where. On the road and in the car. My shirt was covered and it stuck to my skin._

_I could smell it._

_I tried to get a grip on the door handle but it was no use, my hands slipped every time. I looked down at them and realised that they were covered in blood too._

_His blood was on my hands._

_I screamed and leaned my head against the car window._

_Don't look at him...don't look at him..._

_I banged against the window and screamed for help, we were in the middle of no where but I couldn't do this on my own._

~XxxRememberxxMyxxLovexxX


	8. Looking for answers

My Everything

_You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow_

_Just more than I could take, pity for pity's sake__  
__Some nights kept me awake, I thought that I was stronger__  
__When you gonna realise, that you don't even have to try any longer?__  
__Do what you want to__Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song__  
__You go ahead, let your hair down__  
__Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams__  
__Just go ahead, let your hair down_

_Put your records on – Corinne Bailey Rae_

Sixteen? _Sixteen reviews?_ I love you guys so much! I hope you all enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. I'm sorry about the wait but I ended up rewriting this chapter (I seem to be doing that alot) but I wasn't happy with the version I had done. You'll be happy to know that I had already started writing the next chapter so I promise the wait won't be as long for the next one.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters apart from Kevin.

Chapter Eight

Looking for answers

_**Previously on My Everything:**_

_**I had a point and they knew it. I hated Paul even more in that moment. Kevin would never leave me like that, he promised me he wouldn't. He said that he would always be there. Not after George. Not after I lost him.**_

_**Jared looks pained as he watches me and for a moment I felt some hope. Just as soon as it appeared it was gone.**_

_**"I'm sorry Kim" Jared simply replies "We don't know where he is"**_

_**The warning bell to return to class rings but I ignore it. Rather than head back to the school I walk towards the school gate. One way or another I was getting answers.**_

I'll admit it: I had no idea where the hell I was going.

I already knew that heading to Kevin's house was a lost cause, there was only a certain amount of times I could knock on that door and still convince myself that someone might finally answer it before it just became sad. I was only two roads away from the school and the rain was still falling hard, the combination of being soaked through and realising that I had no idea where to even start looking was enough to make me want to head home.

I felt like screaming; I had only just started looking and I already finding myself hitting a dead end. I wanted nothing more then to go home take a long shower and attempt to feel my fingers again but one glance at my watch told me that it wasn't an option yet. School still had a good three hours left and I couldn't deal with my Mum's questions when she found out that I had left school early. A thought dawned on me and I groaned. Now that I thought about it it didn't really make that much of a difference anyway; chances were the school had already called her by now.

My hand suddenly throbbed, now that my anger was completely gone the pain was starting to come through. Hitting Kirsty hadn't been the smarted move on my part but even now I couldn't find it in myself to regret it, regardless of how much trouble I was going to be in when I got home later I knew that I would do the same thing again in a heartbeat if I was given half a chance.

There is _nothing _wrong with being gay.

Right on time my phone started to ring and I knew without looking that it was my Mum. Barely glancing at the screen I disconnected the call and then turned off my phone. I was already in trouble, why not add to it?

I took a few deep breaths and tried to calm myself down, I was so tired. The last few weeks had been so uneventful and yet at the same time I felt so emotionally and mentally drained. I wasn't sure if I even had it in me to be sad or angry any more I hated feeling so helpless; ironically enough Kevin was normally the person who would help me when I had these kind of problems. Having no idea where to go I let my feet carry me; even walking around was more productive than simply standing in the rain.

* * *

La Push was a small town and the people you grew up with were more than likely to only be down the road for the rest of your life. For some strange reason most people never left after school and the end result meant that most of the people that were born here also end up dying here. It was a depressing thought really but none the less it was true. Because of this our graveyard was one of the biggest I knew of and the hauntingly beautiful tree's that surrounded it only helped to make it stand out.

I stood on the thresh hold of the large iron gates and tried to force myself to go inside. A long time ago I made a promise to myself that I would never step foot in here again and up in till today I had thought I meant it, but for some reason I couldn't understand I felt like I had to. I had spent so long running away from the past.

I had to face this.

I had to face _him._

_There was so much blood. It was every where. On the road and in the car. My shirt was covered and it stuck to my skin._

_I could smell it._

_I tried to get a grip on the door handle but it was no use, my hands slipped every time. I looked down at them and realised that they were covered in blood too._

_His blood was on my hands._

_I screamed and leaned my head against the car window._

_Don't look at him...don't look at him..._

_I banged against the window and screamed for help, we were in the middle of nowhere but I couldn't do this on my own._

_But he wasn't there to help me any more._

_He was never going to be there to help me again._

_I chocked back a sob and tried to keep myself together. I had to think. I had to do something. I banged on the window helplessly but I already knew it was no use. I turned around to look in the back seat of the car; I needed something to wipe the blood off my hands so I could try and open the door again. I avoided looking at him as I turned but I could see him in the corner of my eye._

_His head was hanging weirdly. Heads don't bend that way._

_I felt sick._

_Trying not to empty the contents of my stomach I undid my seat belt and half climbed in the back before grabbing the only thing I could find on the car seat. It was his blue jumper, the one I had gotten him last Christmas. Trying not to think about what I was doing I wiped as much blood as I could off of my hands and then ran it over the door handle._

I was boarder line running.

While I had only been here once before I didn't hesitate as I headed there, the image of his tomb stone had stared in my dreams so many time that chances are I would of been able to find it with my eyes closed. My breathing was laboured and I could feel my heart drumming out of my chest but at the same time I felt weirdly calm, like I was at least partly ready for this.

I sat down in front of his tomb stone, ignoring the way the water and mud soaked into my trousers. I was already wet anyway, a little bit of mud wasn't going to make that much of a difference.

_George Williams_

_Beloved son and friend_

"_The end is simply the beginning"_

_1988-2004_

"...and beloved brother"

I could feel my tears falling but I made no move to wipe them away, right now I needed them. After Kevin died I spent days fighting with my parents about what we were going to put on his tomb stone. Beloved son and friend was true but it just didn't seem like enough, he had been my brother too. He was so much more than that. Everyone had loved him, there had been something about him that just made people smile, no one could think of a bad word to say about him.

He was my hero, in every sense of the word. I had looked up to him just like most little sisters do to their big brothers, my parents used to joke that I stuck to him like his shadow. Much to everyone's surprise he never once said that he found it annoying, if anything he encouraged my attention. Whenever he had to run down to the shops or head down the road to the local park he always asked me to come with him.

He loved me more than I deserved.

Some part of me had always wanted to come back here but I would always end up talking myself out of it before I even left my house. Maybe it was the guilt. Or maybe it was because I knew he wasn't really here, the tomb stone said his name but the coffin buried beneath it was filled with nothing other than a few of his most treasured possessions.

No one knew where his body was.

_After unsuccessfully fiddling with the handle a few more times I almost sobbed with relief when it finally popped open, the fresh air hit and filled my lungs. All I had been able to smell was blood, a horrible iron tinted smell. I almost fell over in my hurry to put some distance between myself and Georges body. It had been barely passed six when we left the house but now it was pitch dark outside, there were no street lights on this road and all I could hear was the sound of my own breathing as I tried to think about what to do now._

_My thoughts were jumbled and none of them made sense._

_Too much was happening._

_He was dead._

_He was dead and I was all alone._

_I gripped my hair and pulled it as my sobs now came in full force, now that the shock was wearing off everything was starting to come into focus but still nothing was right. I had never felt so useless. He was so close to me but there was nothing I could do to help him. Realising how stupid I was being I started to search my pockets for the new phone my parents had gotten me less than a week before. My heart stopped as I realised I didn't have it._

"_Remember Kim" my Mum's voice rang in my head "You should always keep your phone on you. It's not a toy, we got this for you in case of an emergency"_

_But I hadn't listened. Of course I hadn't listened. Everyone else in my year had a phone and I had been the last one allowed one, I had been so excited to finally have one, to be like all of the other girls, that to me it had been a toy. It was something I played games or used to text Kevin all the time. I had never once thought that it would be something I would really need._

_Georges phone. George had a phone. The thought hit me so suddenly it almost knocked me backwards. I had barely taken two steps when I stopped. It was in his pocket. His phone was always in his pocket. That meant going near him, touching him. I would have to look at him, broken beyond repair._

_No. No, I couldn't._

_I wouldn't._

_That was the moment that I made the biggest mistake of my life; turning my back to the car I started to run, all the while telling myself that I would find someone to come and help._

By the time I made it back with the police his body was gone. They had been reluctant to take me back there with them at first but when they realised that I was the only one who could tell them exactly where the car was they relented and packet me into the small car with them, as much as Chief Swan had hated it they needed me.

My parents had never said they blamed me for what happened but there were days when I wondered if a small part of them did. If I hadn't ran away that night, if I had just gone over and gotten his phone then I wouldn't be sitting on top of an empty grave right now. We had lost him in every way possible that night and there were days when I knew it was entirely my fault. While he had died I had been the one who walked away with nothing but a small cut on my head.

There were some who claimed that it was a miracle that I hadn't died but I wasn't so sure, I had never been one for self pity but being able to live while George was dead some times felt more like a punishment than a blessing. I had left my own brother alone and this pain was me paying the price.

"Hey" I muttered dumbly. I felt stupid, sitting here talking to nothing but a piece of rock but I wasn't sure what I was meant to do. "I know I don't deserve to ask anything from you but I really need your help right now" I wiped my wet hair away from my face "It's Kevin. I don't know where he is and I think some things wrong. I can't even find his parents. I've tried everything I can think of. I need you to help me here"

My tears were heavier now.

"Please...I-I need some kind of sign. I've already lost you I can't...I can't do this again"

I wasn't sure what I was expecting but when nothing happened other than the rain getting slightly lighter I felt weirdly disappointed. Whatever I had been expecting it clearly hadn't been this. I breathed a deep sign in defeat and placed my hand on top on the tomb stone, ready to push myself up. It was then that I noticed it, the word that had chanted in my mind thousands of times flashed before my eyes, only this time they had a different meaning.

"_The end is simply the beginning"_

Just like that an idea hit me. The answer was always in the last place you looked. What if the answer was at Kevin's house but I had been too busy avoiding it to notice? Maybe this was my sign? I knew it was a long shot but right now I was willing to try anything.

"Thanks"

* * *

Kevin's house was only two minutes down the road. The rain had now completely stopped and like a fool I was starting to think that my luck had finally changed. As usual, I was wrong. Parked outside his house were two of the largest moving vans I had ever seen. Not your normal we're-moving-across-town ones, they were more like we're-packing-up-our-lives-and-never-coming-back.

It felt like I couldn't breath.

Random men I had never seen before were walking in and out of his house, each of them carrying large cardboard box's they packed into the back of the waiting vans. I had no idea how long I stood there watching them but it wasn't in till I spotted his parents heading out of the front door that I snapped back to attention. Trying not to look to eager I calmly made my way over to them, all the while trying to think of something to say. They were so busy talking that they didn't even notice me, taking advantage of the distraction I took a moment to really look at them. Kevin's Mum Karen looked like she hadn't slept much lately and her unkept appearance shocked me, I don't think I had ever seen her without make up before. His Dad Mark didn't look that much better, the dark circles under his eyes were enough for me to know that he hadn't been sleeping as well.

I was at the bottom of the steps when they finally saw me; they shared a look before plastering smiles on their faces, the perfect picture of politeness. I fidgeted nervously and smiled back, I wasn't all the sure what to expect. Now that I knew they were here I also knew that there was no way they hadn't gotten the twenty something voice messages I had on their machine.

"Hi Kim" Karen greeted me "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to see Kevin" I replied without missing a beat "Is he here?"

Her smiled slipped from her face and I looked to Mark to see him pursing his lips, it was obvious he wasn't happy to see me.

"No" she stiffly replied "he's not"

I wanted nothing more than for her to be lying but the look on her face was enough for me to know that she wasn't. My mind was racing, if he wasn't here then where was he? Was he already at their new house? Is this why he had been ignoring me, because he thought that a clean break would be better for me?

"Oh, okay" I said while trying to stop my voice from shaking "Do you know when he'll be back?"

I must of said something wrong because in the next second she looked like she was about to cry. Noticing this Mark leaned over and whispered something in her ear; she nodded and then went back inside. He waiting in till she was out of sight before turning his attention back to me.

"He's not coming back Kim"

I pulled at my coat sleeves for something to do and stared at him. What the hell did he mean Kevin wasn't coming back? Seeing what must of been a distressed look on my face he sighed and his expression softened.

"He's still in La Push Kim. We're moving and Kevin...well he's staying behind"

My frowned deepened.

"What do you mean?"

He hesitated.

"It's not that easy to explain Kim"

I wanted to scream, why was it so hard for people to explain what they meant rather than talking to me in bloody riddles?

"Look I don't know what's going on with you two at the moment but I don't want you to get hurt in the middle of all this. Something's wrong with him. He's dangerous and if your half as smart as I think you are you'll stay away from him"

I stood there with no idea what to say. Why would Mark say that about his own son? Kevin was far from dangerous.

"What?" I blurted. My cheeks burned as I realised how rude I must of sounded "I mean, I don't understand. Is this about him being gay?" I asked "because I know you've never taken to the idea much but-"

"It's not about that" he interrupted me "Admittedly we could of dealt with that better but we did the best we could"He ran his hands over his face and suddenly he looked ten years older. I couldn't believe that he was talking to me about this so I stayed silent, scared that if I spoke he would stop "This is worse than that. He's..ill"

He took a deep breath before his eyes locked with mine.

"He's a monster"

I blanched. His words alone terrified me but there was something about the way he as looking at me. He looked like he had seen something that had scared the life out of him.

"What- what do you mean-"

I groaned and tried to push down the panic that was slowly bubbling to the surface, I couldn't even think straight. My hands were shaking and I had no idea what to do with them. I had no idea what to do period. Where was I meant to go from here? I settles for asking the only question I could think of.

"Where is he?"

The look he gave me could only be described as pitying

"Kim, I told you, you need to stay away from him. No good can come of this"

"Please?" I simply replied "I need to talk to him" Feeling like a bitch I said the only thing I knew would make him crack "Please Mark, I can't lose him too"

He looked torn, turning to check Karen was still no where in sight he sighed and his shoulders sagged in defeat.

"Fine" he muttered "fine" he leaned in closer to stop us being over heard and I could tell he didn't want Karen to know he had told me anything. I could hear my heart beating in my ears as I waited. "He's been hanging out with Sam Uley and that gang of his. Chances are you'll find him there"

Sam Uley was a name I had heard many times around the dinner table. Not so long ago he had suddenly disappeared and then came back with no explanation for his absence. My Mum had personally taken great delight in telling us how people were claiming he had became involved in some hard core drug dealings. Even though she hadn't mentioned any of this for months the words were clear in my memory.

I nodded and started walking away before he could say anything else.

"Thank you" I called over my shoulder "Thank you so much!"

* * *

By the time I reached there my legs were burning and I was panting for breath, it wasn't in till I came to a stop in front of the house that I even realised I had ran the whole way here. Walking would of only taken a few minutes but I wasn't willing to wait any longer. I looked up at the house and gave myself a moment to put my thoughts in order. Now I was here I had no idea what to do.

What if Kevin's dad was lying and he had just been trying to get me to leave?

The look on Mark's face as he told me that they were leaving Kevin behind entered my mind.

_No, _I thought _"No one can fake that"_

He was here.

It was no secret that the last few years had put some what of a strain on the relationship between Kevin and his parents but I had never known it to be this bad before. Even when they had been angry at Kevin for publicly coming out they had still stood by him to some degree. I tried to think of why they would leave him alone now when clearly he needed them more than ever.

I wasn't that close to my own parents but I was sure that even they wouldn't have done something like to me. My breathing became laboured as the reality of the situation hit me full on.

_Kevin was homeless._

A few weeks ago the thought wouldn't of scared me so much simply because the solution was easy: he would come and live with me. Now how ever felt different, I wasn't sure if we were even friends any more, let alone best friends.

I walked up onto the porch and hesitated.

Did I really want to know what was waiting for me on the other side of this door? Fighting my own thoughts I raised my hand and quickly knocked before I could change my mind. A few moments passed before I heard movement on the other side of the door. I could hear muffled voices but no one moved to open the door.

"Hello?" I called out "I'm sorry to bother you but I'm looking for Kevin Richardson?"

The voices grew louder now and I heard something smash inside the house.

"Er, excuse me-"

The door swung open and I gasped.

"Kevin?"

**She found him! Yay! I was starting to feel sorry for the poor girl. Reviews are better than finding Kevin!**

**~XxxRememberxxMyxxLovexxX**


	9. Ignorance is bliss

My Everything

Crawling in my skin  
These wounds they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing what is real  
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface  
Consuming, this lack of self-control I fear is never ending

Linkin Park – Crawl

Thank you to everyone who reviewed or put me on story alert, it makes me very happy! I've never had this much of a reaction from one of my stories before and it makes me all *yippe* Alot of people have been saying about how this seems more like a Kevin and Kim paring at the moment and yes, I can see why some people would think that but no, it's not. But there is no getting around the fact that Kevin is a big part of Kim's life. Bare with me!

Also I've been asked many times if Kevin is going to imprint on a girl and...I'm not going to tell you *evil laugh* In the words of River Song "spoilers"

Special thanks to** music lover bwg **for pointing out a mistake I made in the last chapter, I promise I'll go back and fix it!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, Only Kevin is mine.

Chapter Nine

Ignorance is bliss

I thought I was going to pass out.

The relief I had been expecting at finding him alive and well never came and all I could do was stand there and look at him with a mixture of shock and horror running through my body. _Three weeks, _I chanted to myself _It's only been three weeks. _And yet he looked like years had passed since the last time we had seen each other.

If I hadn't known him so well I don't think I would of even recognized him. Apart from his jaw being more defined and his hair being a lot shorter than it used to be his face looked exactly the same; it was everything else that looked different. Instead of being only slightly taller than me his large frame now towered over me. His shoulders were broader now and regardless of the thick jumper he was wearing it was easy to see that the girls hadn't been joking about how musical he had become.

Realising I was staring I snapped my mouth shut and attempted to smile, from the scowl I was getting in return I was starting to think that coming here had been a mistake.

"What are you doing here Kim?"

Kevin was holding the door open and I could see Embry standing a small distance behind him. He was leaning against the wall and quietly watching us, almost like he was waiting for something. I offered him a small smile that he didn't return before turning my attention back to Kevin.

"I don't know" I honestly replied "I...I guess I wanted to see you"

His grip on the door tightened and I could of sworn I heard the sound of the wood creaking under his finger tips.

"Well you've seen me" he said "Was there anything else?"

I recoiled at him words and tried not to show how hurt I was, he had never spoken to me like before. It was true that we slung insults every now and again but there had always been a joking manner about it. This felt different. I could feel myself getting annoyed but I tried to reel my emotions back in, snapping at him would be pointless right now. For all I knew this could be my only chance to at least try and understand what was happening.

"You know it's funny" I replied as calmly as I could manage "I thought I would be the mad one in this conversation and yet here you stand, a face of thunder and I can't for the life of me figure out why"

My voice cracked on the last word and I wanted the ground to swallow me whole, right now was not the best time to let myself fall apart. Embry went to move closer and without turning around Kevin held out his hand to stop him in his tracks.

"I'm fine" he spat while still keeping his eyes locked to mine "Don't push this" he carried on, now directing his words to me "the best thing you can do right now is turn around and head back home"

"W-what?" I gasped

I had spent weeks worry about him and now that we were finally face to face again he wanted to send me away? I returned his scowl in full force and my fists involuntarily clenched. Fuck being calm.

"No" I spat back "I'm not going anywhere in till I know what the hell happened to you"

I thought I saw something flash in his eyes but it was gone as quickly as it appeared.

"Nothing happened to me. I'm here. I'm fine. You've seen that. Now go home"

"Kevin's right Kim" Embry called over his shoulder "You shouldn't be here"

"Like hell I shouldn't" I hiss "I'm his best friend"

Kevin said nothing and I wondered if he thought differently. I didn't want it to be true but the least I deserved was to hear it from him myself.

"At least I thought we were" I added when he remained silent "Am I? Or has something happened since we last saw each other that I don't know about? Is it him?" I asked nodding my head in Embry direction "Is he your new boyfriend? Is that what this is all about?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa" Embry called out as he walked towards me and came to a stop next to Kevin "I am not gay, no offence" he add to Kevin "but guys aren't really my thing"

"Oh please" Kevin muttered as he rolled his eyes "don't flatter yourself. Your nowhere near my type"

I didn't even give Embry enough time to think of a come back.

"What is it then?" I demanded "what reason could you give me that's good enough to explain you completely cutting me out of your life?"

His eyes flickered to Embry as he tried to think of a reply, there was no doubt in my mind that whatever he was about to say would be a lie. I could tell he was fighting with himself before his expression hardened.

"I don't need to explain myself to you Kim. I don't owe you anything. I have no idea what you thought you would gain by coming here but you were wrong; all your doing is making yourself look more pathetic than normal"

It felt like someone had chuckled a bucket of water over me, that didn't sound like a lie. The dull ache that had appeared when he had been speaking seemed real too. Embry looked as shocked as I felt. He reached out to put his hand on Kevins shoulder but he immediately pulled away.

"Don't do this Kevin"

"What?" he asked in a voice that sounded completely different from the kind one I was used to "She came here for answers and I'm giving them to her"

His scowl deepened and I stumbled backwards.

"I know you don't have any other friends but this whole hunting me down crap is starting to become fucking creepy. Now do yourself a favour: turn around, go home and forget this ever fucking happened"

It was like I was frozen, I couldn't move, I couldn't speak. All I could do was stand there and look at him. His face was twisted in anger and I thought back to the only other time I had seen him like this; the night in the diner. What had happened between now and then that would make this much of a difference?

The silence was broken by the sound of a car racing down the road and coming to a screeching halt outside the house. I knew the sound so well I didn't even had to turn around to see who it was. I looked accusingly at Kevin but he looked as surprises as I was. My gaze switched to Embry who was smiling sheepishly behind Kevin and I scowled. He must have called them as soon as he knew I was at the door. There was no apology as he moved passed us to greet Jacob and Jared.

I didn't bother to acknowledge them as I did my best to get Kevin's attention, the boys showing up meant that I had only a few minutes left before I would be forced to leave.

"Please?" I tried "Just tell me what happened. After all of these years of standing by your side I deserve more than this"

I hated how desperate I sounded but regardless of how much his words had hurt me something about this felt wrong, something was off. His eyes softened slightly and in that moment I could of sworn that he was going to tell me.

"Kevin" Jacob barked "go back inside"

I expected him to at least protest but instead he gave a sharp nod and turned to leave.

"Wait-"

"I've said everything I need to say Kim" he hissed "don't come back"

His eyes looked me over one last time before the door slammed shut in my face. I was speechless. Did my gay best friend just _dump me?_

I could feel tears prickling at my eyes and I wasn't sure if it was because I was angry or upset at the shock of Kevin brushing me off life I was nothing. Like all those years of friendship had been nothing. I wanted it to be because I was angry but the way my throat started to feel tight from the sobs I was holding back told me other wise.

"Kim?"

Jared's hand had barely touched me when I shrugged it off.

"Don't touch me. Don't you _dare_ fucking touch me"

I finally made myself look at him and regretted it as soon as my eyes locked with his, all I could see was the hurt he was failing to hide. My hand almost went to reach out and comfort him before I stopped myself.

What the hell was happening to me?

"You said you didn't know where he was" I reminded him "You told me that you had no idea what I was talking about"

He looked ashamed and his head hung slightly.

"I'm sorry"

"You lied" I said while ignoring his apology I was in no mood to listen to "You stood there and you lied to me"

I honestly had no idea why I cared so much. This wasn't the first time someone had lied to me and it wasn't going to be the last but that didn't make me feel any better. I hardly knew him but it was like I had expected more from him.

"Jared, here"

I jumped at the sound of Jacobs voice. I had completely forgotten he was there. Jacob chucked Jared his keys and he caught them effortlessly.

"Take her home"

I almost protested but the look on Jacobs face make me stop; he hadn't been asking. He glanced towards the closed door and sighed.

"I need to take care of this"

Jared nodded and heading towards the car. I waited a beat before following.

* * *

"Do you want me to turn the radio on?"

I shrugged.

"Okay. Silence is good"

I shrugged.

"At least it's stopped raining"

Silence.

It lasted a minute before he sighed.

"You know you're not making this any easier for me"

"Oh, I'm sorry" I scoffed "I didn't realise I needed to make this easier for you"

"You don't" he grounded out "But that doesn't mean that you need to make it harder"

His arms were shaking badly but his hands remained still as he kept them gripped onto the steering wheel, I knew I should stop pushing it but now that I had started it was like I couldn't stop. We had never had more than a handful of conversations before and in all the day dreams I had had over the years about talking to him it had never once gone like this.

"Make what harder?"

"I am _trying _ to be nice to you"

His answer was so unexpected that it momentarily disarmed me, it took me a second to remember that I was meant to be angry at him.

"I don't _need _you be nice to me"

"Fine then" he shrugged.

"Fine"

"Fine"

We fell into an uncomfortable silence and I did my best to ignore his presence next to me, I could feel him glance at me a few times but other than that he made no move to talk to me. We were almost half way to my house when I finally cracked.

"Your seriously not going to tell me anything?"

His lips twitched in amusement and I had to stop myself from doing the same. As much as I hated to admit it he was cute when he smiled.

"Impressive" he chuckled "You managed to last two minutes"

"Well?" I prompted "Are you?"

"Am I what?"

I huffed.

"Are you going to answer my question or not?"

"Oh, right. To be honest it sounded more like a statement than a question"

I leaned back and groaned, this seemed like running a marathon on a treadmill; there was no end.

"It was a question"

He glanced at me and frowned.

"You're annoyed"

I scowled.

"Picked up on that did you?"

"Is that a statement or a question?"

Despite my best effort I couldn't stop the small laugh that escaped me. The warm smile I was rewarded in return was enough for me to want to do it again.

"A little bit of both" I reluctantly smiled.

"Well, in that case, yes. I did notice. Your annoyed and I can't say I blame you"

I frowned. Wait- what?

"I thought you shared the same views as Kevin?"

He took forever to answer and I could tell that he was trying to pick his next words carefully.

"It's not really our views that are the problem" he slowly explained "If it was up to us than today would of gone very differently"

"Who's it up to then?"

His smiled looked sad as he parked up just out of view of my house.

"There are some questions that I can't answer Kim"

"Can't?" I challenged "or won't?"

"Can't" he replied with a relaxed smile "I told you before, if it was up to me than you would know everything already"

"But it's not?"

He nodded. I hummed in acknowledgement while I tried to gather my thoughts. Now would of been the perfect time for me to take my leave but I could bring myself to go inside, I wasn't ready for this conversation to be over just yet.

"Well what can you tell me then?"

There was a short pause as he considered my question. I was just about to remind him that I was still here when he finally replied.

"I can tell you that Kevin didn't mean a word of what he said back there"

I had to resist the urge to hit him round the back of the head, trust him to defend the one person I was angry at the moment.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that if I were you. Kevin's not one for saying things he doesn't mean"

"I'm sure he meant some of it" he replied in what I think was meant to be a comforting tone "but you should know that he wouldn't say something unless he had a good reason behind it"

I grabbed my bag and tucked it over my shoulder, the last thing I needed right now was to hear Jared sit there and defend the person who had just snatched everything I knew you from under my feet.

"Right" I muttered "Because you know him so well"

Without so much as a backwards glance I was out of the car and heading up the garden path to my house. I had almost made it the front door when I heard his voice directly behind me.

"I know him better than you think I do"

I spun around at the sound of his voice in shock. How had he managed to get all the way up here without me every hearing him close the car door? If he noticed my confused look he chose to ignore it.

"I know your angry, annoyed and upset right not but you shouldn't be mad at me for your friends mistakes"

I gasped.

"I'm not mad at you for his mistakes!"

He raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

"I'm not" I insisted "I'm mad at you for your _own_ mistakes"

The confident smile he had been wearing seconds before disappeared.

"What?"

"You heard. I'm mad at you because I had to be the poor girl who sat next to you for years while you ignored her. I'm mad because in all those years you never once even tried to learn her name! I'm mad because when you finally do notice me you're shocked because I didn't fall at your feet like you expected me to. I'm mad because you lied to me when I needed the truth. And finally I am mad because for reasons I can't even start to understand this whole bloody mess always seems to lead back to you!"

He looked surprised by my sudden outburst.

"How so?"

"Ever since that day in English when you freaked out on me my life has gone from normal to some kind of over dramatic sitcom. Kevin freaks out in the diner: you were there. I hear he's been spotted after weeks of not knowing where he was: you were involved. I finally find him and to my utter amazement: there you are!"

He frowns.

"None of this is my fault Kim"

He says it with confidence, his tone leaves no room for argument.

Knowing words would fail me I simply nodded, I knew none of this was his fault really but it felt like I needed someone to lay the blame on.

"I'm sorry" I muttered, my face felt hot and I could picture my cheeks stained a dark crimson. "For being unreasonable" I quickly add "not for being mad"

He chuckled lightly and I notice how he looked more relaxed as he casually leaned against the front railing. It was at this moment that the reality of the situation hit me, I was standing on my doorstep with Jared of all people and I looked as appealing as a drowned rat. It was like my dreams and nightmares had some how merged together to create the weirdest day of my life.

"It's fine" I muttered as I slowly inched towards the front door, my earlier thoughts of not wanting our conversation to end were completely gone and all I wanted to do was run up stairs, get into bed and hide. "I shouldn't have said anything"

I already had my key in the door before he had a chance to even realise I was leaving.

"Wait"

I felt his large warm hand wrap around my upper arm and I froze. His grip was lose enough that I could pull away if I wanted to but apart from turning my head to look at him I stayed where I was.

"I want to help you Kim but there's only a few ways I can"

He waits for my reply but I couldn't seem to form words, all of my attention was focused on one thing.

"Your hot" I blurt. He smirks and I tried to hide how flustered I was becoming.

"Thank you"

"Your skin" I clarify as I gently pulled my arm out of his grasp. From the moment his touch left me I felt a weird sense of loss that I don't understand. "Your skin is hot" I carry on in a attempt to ignore it "are you sick?"

"No" he laughs " I'm just naturally hot blooded"

Is it bad that I just heard 'I'm just naturally hot'?

No! Bad Kim! Concentrate!

"Besides your distracting me. There's going to be a bomb fire tomorrow night at first beach. You should come"

"I can't" I automatically reply "I'm babysitting Amy"

It was normal for there to be at least one bomb fire a week and so far I had been invited to them all. Despite not being friends with any of the other people who attended it still meant something to me that people at least bothered to ask. It shouldn't really: everyone in La Push was invited to these things.

Admittedly I had only attended a handful of them on the nights that Kevin and I had had nothing better to do. Apart from the normal greetings when we arrived we never ended up speaking to anyone; there was only so much of the normal gossip talk we could take before we started keeping to ourselves and simply enjoying the warmth that the fire offered.

"Bring her then" He said it in such a matter of fact voice that for a second I almost considered it "You said you wanted answers" he reminded me before I could turn him down again "this is me offering you the chance to get them"

My hesitation barely lasted a second before I nodded in defeat. The promise of getting some answers was too tempting to pass up and he knew it.

"Great" he beamed "I'll pick you up at seven"

Not wanting to risk me changing my mind he waved goodbye and walked back to his car before I could even process what had just happened. It wasn't in till I heard the low rumble of his driving away that I finally sunk back down to earth.

Did I just agree to a date with Jared?

_Dear god._

**_It's starting! Again thank you to everyone for the reviews!_**

**__****~XxxRememberxxMyxxLovexxX**


	10. Now or Never

Chapter Ten

Now or never

_I know, you know  
There's something here  
But you cannot get past the fear  
I can help you make it clear..._

_So when you feel like trying again_  
_Reach out, take my hand_  
_See how great it could be_  
_To fall in love, with someone you can trust_

_Who would never give up_  
_Cause you're all that he needs_  
_Baby take a chance on me_

_JLS – Take a chance on me_

I know, I know! I'm sorry about the radio silence when it comes to this chapter. I just had to...think about a few things. I posted this chapter once already but, after a few flames, I took it down and decided to write it again. It's true that my writing isn't the best and, to be honest, if that is what your looking for, then stop reading. I read my first sentence when I was eleven and I wrote my first sentence just before I turned twelve. There are several reasons for this, ones that I'm not going to get into now, but I put everything I have into my writing I do it because I love it, not because I have to. Thank you to everyone that has stuck with me and this story and all of the reviews I got for it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, only Kevin is mine.

I arrived at school twenty minutes early the next day. Amy had already been dropped off and, to my relief, one of her play mates parents had agreed to look after her for the night. Despite Jared's offer to bring her with me, I had decided against it. The idea of a night off was too tempting to turn down.

The school was practically deserted and, after checking if Jacob's car was there – it wasn't-, I made my morning trip to my locker. I grabbed the books I needed and made my way to my first class. I knew I was going to be early, but I wasn't worried. My Science teacher, Mr. Bridler, always let me come in and read while I waited for his lesson. He grunted a greeting as I entered the classroom and, like always, he didn't even look up when I entered. I waved in return and went to my appointed seat at the back of the room.

The morning passed in a daze, every word my teachers said seemed to blur into one. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't seem to concentrate. Before I knew it the school bell sounded twice, signalling the start of lunch. I collected my books and did the familiar walk to my locker.

Regardless of how packed the hallway was, as soon as I turned the corner, he was the first thing I saw. He was leaning against my locker, a heart stopping smile on his face. I was proud of myself for not showing my shock at seeing him waiting for me, I didn't miss a step as I walked towards him, and my expression didn't change when I came to a stop in front of him.

His smile stayed in place, but I could see the worry in his eyes.

"Hey, Kim"

I nodded in greeting as I tried in vain to remember my locker combination. My mind came up blank and I settled for leaning against my locker instead, there was no need for him to know how badly his presences affected me.

My eyes briefly looked over the busy hallway and I took a second to count my blessings, Kirsty was still nowhere to be seen. I turned my attention back to Jared and did my best to smile.

"I was wondering if, you know, you might want to join me for lunch?"

I held my books closer, almost like I thought they would hide me from his piercing eyes. I wanted to join him, my body was screaming at me to but, every time I went to say yes, something stopped me. I replayed the conversation from the night before in my mind, the words I had said that I couldn't take back, and my mouth clamped shut.

"The guys will be there" he continued "but I promise they won't bother you. Plus" he added with a smirk "I can make sure that Kirsty doesn't come near you. Word on the street is that she came into school with one hell of a shiner this morning"

His smile grew wider and I could see his amusement shinning in his eyes. I tried to hide my own but, in less than a second, I knew it was useless. For the first time that day I felt a real smile on my face.

5,13,9,23.

My locker combination entered my mind without warning and, not wanting to risk forgetting it for a second time, I opened it and started to put away my books and get the ones I needed for my last classes.

"I don't know" I hedged "I have things I need to do"

_Like hide in the toilets._

"Yeah," he muttered "I'm sure you have others things to be doing at this time of day"

I gave him a curious look. That sounded like a cryptic comment.

"Things to do," he carried on "people to avoid..."

I could feel my eyes widen and my mouth practically hit the floor. How the hell did he know how I had been spending my lunch breaks? The realisation that Jared, the boy I had been in love with for years, knew that I had been eating my lunch in the toilets was, understandably, mortifying.

"Who else will be there?" I quickly asked, hoping that I could take the conversation in a different direction.

His eyes brows rose mockingly. "The same people I always eat with" he replied.

I could practically feel the heat radiating off my face, this conversation, along with most things in my life at the moment, was not going the way I had planned.

I stayed silent, purposefully trying to extend the moment into awkwardness. Perhaps he would take the hint and leave. I didn't want him to, not really, but, anything seemed better than admitting to him how sad my life had truly become in the last few weeks.

"Look, I'll make you a deal" he said as I closed my locker door "you come and eat lunch with me and, in return, I promise to never again mention you spending your lunch breaks hiding from Kirsty in the toilets. Do we have a deal?"

"That doesn't sound like a deal," I grumbled "that sounds more like black mail"

Jared shrugged and flashed me a smirk.

"I like to think of it more as an incentive"

Despite myself, I laughed.

Sensing my slightly change in mood Jared stepped forward and held out his arm, his eyes trying to show me everything I was scared to see, a warm smile gracing his face.

"May I walk you, Kim?"

I hadn't thought it possible but, to my horror, my blush deepened further. His smile widened at my reaction and I tried to ignore it. Being left no choice I reached out slowly and carefully wrapped my arm around his. A warmth I hadn't felt before rushed through me and the effect it had on me, so powerful it almost knocked me backwards, made my hair stand on end.

I looked at him to see if he had felt it too but, annoyingly, he was looking ahead of us, a look of content on his face as he guided me along the busy hallway. People stared at us as we walked passed, they huddled together and, without even trying to hide it, whispered and pointed as we went.

I tried to ignore it, instead I attempted to focus my attention on Jared. I quickly found that it was no better; he was too distracting, even when he was doing nothing.

Instead of doing their usual, the boys had decided to sit inside for lunch today. Personally, considering what had happened yesterday, I would have rather sat in the car. Despite the way I had been treating them the last couple of weeks, no one seemed surprise when I took a seat at their table. Everyone tore their attention away from their food for a moment to say hello. Even Paul attempted to shoot me a smile, but he turned away before I could even consider return it.

They carried on with their eating and talking, some of them at the same time, and Jared turned in his seat to look at me. Unlike the others, Jared seemed more interested in me then his food.

I had a feeling that was some come kind of complement.

"So, Kim, how's life?"

I tried to hide my surprise at such a simple, every day question. I had spend a good ten minutes the day before yelling at him, after, I might add, the one person I had trusted all my life had basically told me that he didn't want me in his anymore. And yet, somehow, here Jared and I were; sitting in the cafe eating our lunch while he asked me 'how's life?'

Not knowing how to begin answering that one, I shrugged.

"Not too bad" I muttered "The same as always"

I knew he didn't believe me, but I was thankful when he didn't push for a real answer. I had no idea how I was feeling and, on account of how much it hurt my head to even try and think about it, I wasn't ready to sit down and give it a great deal of thought. Suddenly remembering my manners I asked him the same.

"Not too bad" he mimicked "The same as always"

We shared a small smile before I opened my lunch and started to slowly pick it apart without actually eating any of it. I didn't feel hungry today. I wasn't sure if it was because of the large breakfast I had eaten this morning, or,if it was because of the way my nerves were making my stomach do summer salts.

"You're not much of a talker, are you?"

I went to shrug again but managed to stop myself at the last second, I really needed to stop doing that whenever he talked to me.

"I can be" I finally replied "I think it depends on who I'm talking too"

He chuckled lightly.

"Do you not enjoy talking to me?"

"I'm sorry" I blurted.

He looked at me questioningly.

"For yesterday" I explained as I looked away "I said things that I probably shouldn't have"

"Don't be" he replied "You didn't say anything that wasn't true"

"I know"

He looked surprised that I had agreed.

"I said that I was sorry for what I said" I reminded him "Not that I thought I was wrong"

His smile widened and he leaned in closer.

"You're different"

Not knowing how to reply I remained silent, hoping that he would explain himself.

"Not a lot of people would have said that" he finally clarified "Anyone else would have simply agreed with me to avoid a confrontation"

"Unless you can't tell, confrontation isn't something that scares me anymore"

I thought he was going to say something further but, instead, he started to eat his lunch and changed the subject. While I didn't mind confrontation, it was clear to see that he was trying to steer clear of it.

"What's your favourite colour?"

"Purple" I answered without giving it much thought. "What's yours?"

The rest of the lunch hour carried on like this, Jared would ask me a random question and, in return, I would ask him the same. By the time the cafeteria was almost empty I knew that Jared's favourite colour was blue, that he loved his Mum and his Dad had left when he was a baby. I also knew his favourite meal was his Mum's home made macaroni and cheese, the secret, apparently, was in the way she made the sauce. It felt like I could have sat there and listened to him for hours, but I knew I couldn't risk being late to my next class, I had been late enough this month.

Reluctantly I picked up my bag. For some reason I felt hesitant to leave, even though I had spend weeks trying to avoid being in his company, now that I had talked to him, laughed with him and glanced at a side of him I hadn't even known he had, being away from him seemed wrong.

Uncomfortable even.

Jared grabbed his bag too, he turned to me and smiled.

"So, are you still okay for me to pick you up later?"

I nodded and his smiled widened.

"Great. I spoke to Emily and she said she would be happy to watch Amy. Claire is going to be there as well, so they should be able to keep each other busy"

"Oh, right" I frowned; I hadn't thought to mention that Amy wouldn't be coming tonight. "Thank you for thinking of it, but I've already found Amy a babysitter for tonight" I shot him a nervous smile as I explained "I thought that it would be best if I didn't bring her, considering the topic of conversation, I didn't think that having her there would help"

He nodded in understanding.

"Okay. So that means it will just be me and you then?"

Not knowing what else to do, I simply nodded.

"Good"

He spoke softly and I shivered.

His gaze broke away from mine and, within the blink of an eye, he was gone.

* * *

I was ready by six thirty. I still had another half an hour before Jared arrived but, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't manage to stand still. I had spent the last two hours trying to find something to wear. It hadn't been in till I had pulled the last thing from my wardrobe that I finally gave up, chucked on a pair of jeans and a dark green jumper, all the while telling myself that it would have to do. There was no real need to worry about what I was going to look like any way.

_This was not a date._

I rolled my eyes at my own thoughts and sat down on the sofa. Being mad at him had been so much easier than this. I had no idea when, but sometime between when I had woken up this morning and now, something had changed. I couldn't put my finger on what exactly, but I knew that everything was going to be different.

The sound of the doorbell knocked me out of my own thought and I jumped up from my seat. My god, he's here. I quickly put my coat on and shoved on my shoes, I hadn't thought it was possible to feel any more worried than I had done this morning but, as I grabbed my bag from the hallway floor, I was starting to think that I had been wrong.

I resisted the urge to look through the window of the door before opening it, I was too scared he would see me if I tried.

As soon I opened the door, a feeling washed over me, the same one I had felt earlier. The moment I saw him I some how felt... better. I panicked for a second, I wanted to understand what was happening, but before I could think about it my fear disappeared.

I could still feel it, but, somehow, it no longer mattered. For whatever reason, I felt better around Jared, happier.

For many reasons, it had been a long time since I had felt like this. I knew Jared was going to end up hurting me, after all, how could he not? He was the boy, the one I had loved for years, who hadn't even known I had existed And yet, some how, he was here, smiling at me.

_Let it hurt later, _I decided, _I deserve one moment of happiness. _

I smiled back.

"You ready?"

I nodded.

"Yeah, I'm ready"

I zipped up my coat before closing the door behind me, he waited in till I was down the front steps before offering me his arm, the same way he had earlier. My heart fluttered in my chest as I placed my hand on the inside of his arm. Despite the light chill in the air Jared was only wearing a short sleeved shirt and, when my hand touched his bare skin, I had to hold back a gasp. His skin was unhealthily warm.

"Are you hungry?"

I almost shrugged but, at the last second, I managed to stop myself.

"I haven't eaten yet" I muttered instead.

It wasn't a lie. The truth was, I had been so busy trying to get ready for the last few hours, that I hadn't even thought about eating. In fact, I was so nervous, I wasn't even sure if I was going to be able to eat a thing. The very thought of food was enough to make me feel ill. I opened my mouth to attempt to make an excuse, any excuse, when Jared put his hand on mine and gave it a light squeeze. Without warning, every coherent thought I had suddenly left me.

"Don't worry" he tried to reassure me "No one cooks better than Emily"

An unexpected wave of jealousy washed over me. I allowed myself to wallow in the feeling for a moment before I made myself push the feeling away.

_Your being silly. Emily is in a happy, long term relationship._

_Besides, _a different voice whispered, _he's not yours to be jealous of._

Like I needed reminding.

The car ride was spent in silence. The radio was turned down low, and a soft song I had never heard before was playing. I closed my eyes and tried to relax for a second, my heart was pounding in my chest and I worried that if it beat any louder, he would be able to hear it. Compared to out side, it was pleasantly warm, within a few minutes I found myself sitting back into the seat and getting myself comfortable.

He had borrowed Jacobs truck and, despite the take away bags scattered on the floor, I loved it. It defiantly wasn't new, the paint was pealing in a couple of places, the wing mirror was taped into place and the lack of a CD player comforted it was second hand. The lived in feel reminded me of what if felt like when I was in Kevin's car.

I didn't even register that we had stopped and, when he opened the car door for me, I jumped. He smiled down at me and I felt a rush of pleasure. No one had ever opened a door for me before, and I couldn't stop myself from enjoying it. I had never pictured Jared as the kind of person who opened door for girls. But, then again, I was starting to think that I didn't know who Jared was at all.

He held out his hand, his features unsure as he searched my face. He was asking me to trust him. I put my hand in his and a sudden warmth rushed over me. My breath caught as my eyes locked onto his. It was true that before all of this he had only looked at me a handful of times but, in that single moment, I knew that he had never looked at me like that before.

Neither of us looked away. He just kept looking at me and, even if I had wanted to, there was no way I could have looked away.

"Hey Jared, Kim!"

My head snapped around towards the beach and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Seth was standing there, a wide smile on his face, as he waved cheerfully at us. I was both relieved and annoyed and the interruption.

Without another word Jared helped me out of the car and closed the door behind me, his hand rested on the small of my back and I shivered. Even with my coat and shirt between us, I could still feel the warmth radiating from him. It wasn't unpleasant; in fact, it made my skin crawl in pleasure.

I walked towards the beach on autopilot, his hand was gently leading me there and, without giving it much thought, I followed him.

We reached Seth and he beamed at me.

"Good to see you, Kim"

I smiled back, Seth seemed like the kind of person you had no choice but to be happy around.

"You too, Seth"

He turned to walk over to everyone else and I took a deep breath before following.

It was now or never.

******~XxxRememberxxMyxxLovexxX**


End file.
